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As you age, your social life starts resembling a game of Bingo. You get excited when someone calls your number, and if they suggest something new, you're like, "That's not on my card!
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Turning on the GPS has become a daily routine, not just for directions but also to figure out where I am in the grand scheme of life. "In 500 feet, turn left – into your retirement.
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Getting older is like being a computer. You start off with great memory storage, but after a while, you can't even remember where you left your keys – it's like your brain's hard drive is full of cat videos.
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Getting old is like being a detective, but the only mystery you're solving is, "Where did I put my glasses?" Spoiler alert: They're on your head.
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You know you're getting old when you bend down to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there. Like, maybe I should sweep the floor or organize the dust bunnies.
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Aging is like a superhero origin story, but instead of gaining powers, you get a new sound effect every time you stand up. "Creak, crack, pop – coming soon to a theater near you.
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Remember when your back went out more than you did? Now, if my back goes out, it's usually to buy some prunes because, you know, priorities.
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You know you're getting old when you injure yourself while sleeping. I woke up with a sore neck the other day – apparently, I must have been headbanging in my dreams.
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Have you noticed that as you age, your idea of a wild night out becomes choosing the comfortable chair at the restaurant? Forget the dance floor; I just want lumbar support!
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