10 Jokes About Myself

Witty Jokes

Updated on: Aug 14 2025

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I told myself I should invest in stocks. So, I bought a pair of really comfortable ones.
I told myself I should start gardening. But then I realized, plants need water, and I can barely hydrate myself.
I told myself I was going to make a vegetable pun, but I couldn't produce any.
I told myself I should do more cardio, so I ran to the store... I bought cupcakes.
I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a crap in days.
I'm allergic to negativity. I break out in sarcasm.
I told myself I should embrace my inner child. So, I bought an ice cream cone.
I told myself I should go on a diet. Then I realized, chocolate is a salad; it's made from cocoa beans!
I told myself I should exercise more. So, I got a gym membership and a pizza.
I told myself I should learn from my mistakes. So, I'm planning on making a few more.

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