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My wife said she's leaving me because I'm too addicted to social media. I 'liked' her status update but she's still not talking to me.
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My wife is leaving me because I can never find my keys. I told her it's a small price to pay for living with someone who's always ready for a surprise adventure.
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My wife said she's leaving me because I'm too sarcastic. I told her, 'Oh, great! That's just what I need – more space for my amazing jokes.
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My wife said she's leaving me because I'm too forgetful. I tried to convince her to stay by writing 'Stay' on my forehead, but I forgot why I did that in the first place.
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My wife is leaving me because I talk in my sleep. I guess my late-night debates with the imaginary jury were a deal-breaker.
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My wife told me she's leaving because I never listen. At least I think that's what she said; I wasn't really paying attention.
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My wife said she's leaving me because of my fear of commitment. I wanted to say something profound, but I'm not ready for that kind of statement.
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My wife is leaving me because of my terrible sense of direction. I just don't understand why she's so upset – it's not like I planned for us to end up here!
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My wife said she's leaving me because I exaggerate too much. I was so shocked, I nearly tripped over my pet unicorn!
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My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with astronomy. But you know what? It's not like we were ever on the same planet anyway.
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My wife told me she's leaving me because I'm terrible at fixing things. I told her not to worry – next time the refrigerator breaks, we can call the toaster repairman.
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My wife is leaving me because of my addiction to alphabet soup. I asked her, 'Are you sure it's not just a phase?
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My wife said she's leaving me because I'm too competitive. Well, I'll see her at the finish line of the divorce marathon!
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My wife is leaving me because I can't stand her favorite TV shows. I tried to compromise by closing my eyes and wearing noise-canceling headphones, but apparently, that's not enough.
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My wife is leaving me because of my bad cooking. I tried to make a romantic dinner, but the smoke detector cheered her up before the food did.
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My wife told me she's leaving me because I'm too indecisive. Or maybe she said I'm too decisive. I can't remember; I was in the middle of deciding when she told me.
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My wife is leaving me because I always forget to close the fridge door. I'll miss her – but at least the vegetables won't be freezing anymore.
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My wife told me she's leaving because I never take anything seriously. So, I bought a balloon for the occasion – it says 'Good Riddance'!
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