4 Jokes For My Daddy

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Aug 01 2024

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Let's talk about my daddy's driving skills. He's got this theory that traffic lights are just suggestions. I'm in the car with him, and we approach a red light. He slows down, looks left and right, and then says, "Well, I guess nobody's watching." It's like he thinks traffic lights are optional, like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book for drivers. I'm convinced he's the reason the GPS says, "In 500 feet, turn left, unless your dad's driving – then do whatever you want.
So, my daddy is not exactly what you'd call tech-savvy. Last week, he got a brand new smartphone. He was so proud, like he had just discovered fire or something. He comes up to me and says, "Son, I've entered the 21st century!" I look at his phone, and he's taken that quite literally. His wallpaper? A screenshot of a calendar showing the year 2100. I told him, "Dad, you're not time-traveling; you're just really bad at settings.
My daddy thinks he's a master chef. He watches all these cooking shows and believes he can recreate gourmet dishes. The other night, he decided to make spaghetti carbonara. Now, you'd think it's a simple dish, right? Not for my dad. He used green spaghetti because, and I quote, "It's more organic." I asked him why it was green, and he said, "Well, it's the color of innovation, my boy!" I love my dad, but I draw the line at avant-garde pasta.
You know, my daddy fancies himself as a handyman. He's got this toolbox that's older than I am, and I'm pretty sure it's haunted by the ghosts of all the projects he never finished. The other day, he decided to fix the leaky faucet in the kitchen. He turned off the water, grabbed his tools, and within minutes, it sounded like a horror movie in there. Bangs, crashes, and a few choice words that would make a sailor blush. I walked in, and he's standing there, water shooting up like a geyser. I said, "Dad, what happened?" He looked at me dead serious and said, "Well, I fixed the leak, didn't I?

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