4 Jokes For Menu

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Feb 17 2025

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Have you seen these restaurants with tablets instead of menus? I feel like I'm in the future, but I'm not sure if I'm ordering food or launching a spaceship. I touch the screen, and suddenly I'm in a dessert section with more options than there are stars in the sky.
And then there's the confusion of whether you're supposed to pay on the tablet or wait for the server. I'm just staring at the screen, hoping it doesn't accidentally charge me for a yacht instead of my cappuccino.
But hey, at least with technology, you can finally Google what half the items on the menu actually mean. "Ah, yes, I'll have the dish that translates to 'I have no idea what I just ordered.'
I recently went to a fancy restaurant where the menu was in French. I felt like I needed a translator. The waiter comes over, and I'm like, "Yes, I'll have the, um, bouillabaisse... with a side of panic."
And they always bring out those tiny portions on giant plates. You're looking at it, wondering if the chef is playing hide-and-seek with the food. "Where's the rest of it? Is this the appetizer for ants?"
And then there's the moment when they present the bill. It's like a magic trick. They subtly slide it onto the table, and you're left wondering, "Was that my dinner or the down payment for a car?
Fast food menus are a whole other level of chaos. There are so many options, and they always ask, "Do you want to supersize that?" Of course, I want to supersize it! I didn't come here for a light snack; I came for a full-blown food coma.
But then they hit you with the combo choices. It's like playing a game of food Tetris. "Do you want fries, a salad, or a fruit cup?" I'm thinking, "I'll take the fries, with a side of guilt, please."
And let's talk about the drive-thru. It's a test of your memory and decision-making skills. You're trying to order for the whole car, and the pressure is on. "Wait, did everyone want the McFlurry or just me? Are we a McFlurry kind of crew?
You ever notice how restaurants have these fancy menus with all these descriptions that make you feel like you're about to embark on a culinary adventure? They're like, "Sautéed in a reduction of unicorn tears, drizzled with the laughter of leprechauns." And I'm sitting there thinking, "Can I just get a regular burger, hold the fairy dust?"
And what's with the font size? Why do they make the font so small? I need a magnifying glass to read the specials. I'm squinting like I'm deciphering some ancient hieroglyphics. "Yes, I'll have the mystery dish, please."
And then there's the dilemma of deciding what to order. The waiter's standing there, and I'm trying to impress him with my menu decoding skills. "Hmm, yes, I think I'll have the quinoa-infused kale salad with a side of regret.

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