10 Jokes For Marriage Counselor

Observational Jokes

Updated on: Mar 29 2025

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They hand you tissues in the counseling room, but they should also provide a mop for all the spilled emotional baggage. It's like a therapy session and a spill cleanup service all in one.
The counselor said we should try "active listening." So now, instead of interrupting each other, we just nod vigorously while maintaining eye contact. It's like a bizarre game of emotional charades.
I asked the counselor if they have a "Couples' Discount." You know, buy one therapy session, get the second one at half the emotional cost. It's all about saving for the divorce lawyer.
The counselor asked us to express our feelings. So, I said, "I feel like I'm in a never-ending episode of a sitcom with too many plot twists. Can we get a writer's room in here?
They always ask, "So, how did you two meet?" And I'm like, "Well, it all started with a swipe right, a touch of desperation, and a sprinkle of self-delusion." Ah, modern romance.
After every session, we leave with homework. Homework! I thought I was done with that when I left school. Now I have relationship assignments. "Your task this week: communicate without rolling your eyes." Challenge accepted.
You know your marriage is in trouble when the counselor greets you with, "Ah, the dynamic duo is back." I thought we were Batman and Robin, but it turns out we were more like Batman and Alfred, and I was definitely not the Dark Knight.
The marriage counselor's office is like a confessional booth, but instead of confessing sins, you're confessing who left the toilet seat up last. It's like, "Forgive me, therapist, for I have sinned. It's been two weeks since my last chore.
It's like being in a courtroom where your love is on trial, and the counselor is the judge. You're just hoping you don't hear the words, "I find the defendant guilty of forgetting anniversaries.
Marriage counselors should offer a "frequent flyer" discount. Like, after five sessions, the sixth one is free. Because let's face it, if you're a regular, you deserve a loyalty reward for navigating the maze of emotions.

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