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Why did the Lutheran bring a map to church? In case he needed directions to the narrow gate!
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Why did the Lutheran bring a suitcase to church? Because he wanted to pack light for the rapture!
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Why did the Lutheran bring a pencil to the sermon? To take sermon notes, but mainly to draw closer to God!
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Why did the Lutheran pastor become a gardener? Because he wanted to plant the seeds of salvation!
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Why did the Lutheran start a music band? He wanted to sing hymns and harmonize with the Holy Spirit!
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Why did the Lutheran bring a ladder to church? He heard the service was heavenly!
Lutheran Dogs – Where Fetching Souls is a Family Affair
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You know you're in a Lutheran neighborhood when even the dogs are involved in saving souls. Instead of fetching sticks, they fetch repentance pamphlets. Good boy! Now go bring someone back from the brink of moral decline!
Lutheran Potlucks – Where the Real Divine Intervention Happens
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I went to a Lutheran potluck recently, and I'm pretty sure that's where miracles happen. I mean, turning a casserole dish into a holy relic? That's divine intervention right there. Move over, water into wine; we've got hot dish into salvation!
Confessions in the IKEA Aisle – A Lutheran's True Sanctuary
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You know you're in a Lutheran neighborhood when the IKEA aisle becomes a confessional booth. People confessing their sins while assembling furniture – Forgive me, Father, for I have misplaced a few screws, and I think I skipped a page in the manual.
Lutheran Comedy Clubs – Where the Pews Have Two Drink Minimums
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I heard about this Lutheran comedy club. The pews have cup holders – not for communion, but for a two-drink minimum. Because if you can't find salvation in laughter, you might as well find it at the bottom of a soda with a splash of holy spirits.
Holy Rollers and Lutherans – Two Religions or a New Roller Derby Team?
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You ever notice how some religions sound like they could double as sports teams? I mean, Lutherans, really? Are they worshiping or preparing for a roller derby? In the name of the Father, the Son, and the perfectly executed jammer maneuver!
Lutheran GPS – Recalculating Your Spiritual Journey
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You might be Lutheran if your GPS doesn't just give directions; it also offers spiritual guidance. In 500 feet, turn left for salvation. If you miss the exit, don't worry; God's grace has a U-turn feature.
Lutheran Gym – Repenting One Rep at a Time
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They've started a new gym for Lutherans. Instead of treadmills, they have confessionals with a built-in StairMaster – repenting one step at a time. Forgive me, Father, for I have skipped leg day.
Lutheran Bingo – Because Miracles Need More Than Just Prayer
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I attended a Lutheran bingo night last week. The stakes were high – eternal salvation or a fruit basket. Either way, the dauber is mightier than the sword. B-15 – that's not just a bingo call; it's a divine revelation!
The Lutheran Diet – Where Potlucks Test Your Faith
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Trying to stick to a diet in a Lutheran community is like trying to stay dry in a water balloon fight. Potlucks everywhere, and temptation in every casserole dish. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from dessert tables!
Lutheran Jazz Bands – Where Hymns Swing and Miracles Be-Bop
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I heard about this Lutheran jazz band. They've got the swing of a gospel choir and the improvisation skills of a pastor trying to make it through a sermon without notes. Hallelujah meets scat singing – In the beginning, doo-wop, doo-wop!
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