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Joke Types
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Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
The Look
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You ever notice how powerful the look is? My wife gives me the look and suddenly I can remember every mistake I've made since the first grade. It's like a highlight reel of my bad decisions, sponsored by disapproval.
The Look Diet
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I'm on a new diet called The Look Diet. Every time I reach for a cookie, I picture my doctor giving me the look. It's surprisingly effective, although I'm still negotiating the calorie count of judgment.
The Express Checkout Judgment
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I love the express checkout lane at the grocery store, but there's always that one person giving you the look because you have 12 items instead of 10. I can feel the judgment in their eyes, like I just committed a shopping cart felony.
Parental Stare Tactics
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If you're a parent, you know there's a look that transcends time and space. My mom's look could stop me in my tracks from across a crowded room. It's like she had a Ph.D. in Stare-ology.
The Unsubscribe Stare
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I accidentally unsubscribed from an email list, and now every newsletter I get gives me the look through my inbox. It's like they're saying, You thought you could escape us? Think again, buddy.
Gym Stares
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I recently joined a gym, and there's this one guy who gives everyone the look like he's the fitness police. Dude, I know I'm lifting Twinkies instead of dumbbells, but cut me some slack!
Look of Misplaced Confidence
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You ever confidently wave back at someone, only to realize they were waving at the person behind you? It's like my brain has a degree in misinterpreting social cues. I call it the Look of Misplaced Confidence.
Eye Contact Olympics
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I tried participating in the Eye Contact Olympics with strangers on the subway. I thought I was doing great until I realized they were all just trying not to make eye contact with the weird guy staring at them. I guess I won the gold in awkwardness.
The Selfie Stare-Down
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Taking a selfie in public feels like an invitation for the look from strangers. They're probably wondering if I'm a tourist or just another narcissistic millennial. Either way, I smile through the judgment because my Instagram needs content!
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