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And then there’s that awkward middle ground: being labeled “neutral.” That’s like being the Switzerland of skin tones! You're neither light nor dark, just chillin’ in the middle, trying not to cause an international incident! People act like being neutral is so easy, but it’s not! We’re the chameleons of skin tones. We can blend in anywhere, but we also stand out in all the wrong ways.
Seriously, the next time someone calls me "neutral," I'm gonna show up in camouflage just to mess with them!
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You know, the whole tanning industry has us all running in circles. They're like, “You’re too pale! Get a tan!” Then they’re like, “You’re too tan! Get some light skins!” It's like they're playing human Sudoku with our skin tones! And self-tanning? That’s a whole different level of commitment! It’s like trying to paint the Sistine Chapel, but you're the canvas, and Michelangelo’s ghost is yelling, “More even coats!” I tried it once, ended up looking like a patchy zebra.
I swear, self-tanning instructions are like Ikea furniture manuals: you start off hopeful, end up confused and orange.
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Then there’s the eternal battle between the dark-skinned and light-skinned when it comes to sunscreen. Dark-skinned folks get roasted by their friends: “Why you need sunscreen? You’re already protected by melanin!” Yeah, sure, tell that to Mr. Sunburn! Meanwhile, light-skinned people have SPF conversations like they're comparing weapon stats in a video game. “I got SPF 50!” “Pfft, that’s nothing, I got SPF 1000, I’m basically a vampire!”
Sunscreen discussions are the new showdowns—Dark Side versus Light Side. But let's be real, it's not about the SPF; it’s about who has the shiniest, least-greasy application!
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You ever notice how people get all technical about shades of skin? I mean, we’ve gone from naming colors like “peach” and “caramel” to getting all Pantone on each other's skin tones! And don’t get me started on the term “light skins.” It’s like we're discussing paint swatches at Home Depot! I mean, who decided on the criteria for being a "light skin" anyway? Do you get a certificate when you reach a certain shade? Is there a swatch chart where you can match yourself like, "Oh yeah, I’m a Benjamin Moore 'Eggshell' level"?
Imagine the awkwardness when someone tries to compliment you: “Hey, you're a lovely light skin!” What do you say to that? “Thanks, I moisturize with SPF 50!”
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