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Why did the computer become a great leader? It had mega-bytes of charisma!
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Why did the scarecrow become a great leader? Because he was outstanding in his field!
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Why did the grapevine choose to be a leader? Because it wanted to be raisin' the bar!
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Being a leader is like being a parent. You're expected to have all the answers, even if half the time you're just making it up as you go.
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Leadership, or as I like to call it, the only job where people follow you while pretending they're not lost.
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You ever notice how leaders always have these motivational quotes? 'Success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration.' Well, if that's true, then my success is 10% ordering takeout and 90% trying to find the TV remote.
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Leadership is all about communication. Like the time I sent an important email with the subject line 'URGENT,' and my team responded with memes. It's like they have a PhD in ignoring deadlines.
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I told my team I'm a hands-on leader. Apparently, that doesn't mean bringing in donuts every morning. It means I have to actually do work. Who knew?
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Leadership is a lot like playing chess. Except, instead of kings and queens, you have to deal with Bob from accounting, who insists on bringing his pet iguana to the office every Friday.
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I tried to be a leader once, but then I realized it involved too many meetings. So, now I'm just the guy who suggests ordering pizza for the team, and that's a leadership role I can handle.
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Being a leader is like being a superhero. You have to wear a cape (metaphorically speaking), and your arch-nemesis is the printer on the third floor that always jams when you're in a hurry.
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Leadership tip: If you can't make a decision, just delegate. That way, when things go wrong, you can blame someone else. It's the corporate version of 'pass the hot potato.'
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