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You know, I've been thinking about starting a kneeling revolution. Not the serious, political kind, no. I'm talking about a revolution against the tyranny of kneeling. Everywhere you go, people are expecting you to kneel - proposing, receiving awards, looking for the lost earring in the grocery store. It's madness! I mean, why is kneeling the universal sign of respect and commitment? Can't we come up with something less stressful on the joints? Maybe a firm handshake or a polite nod? I can commit to a relationship without having to ice my knees afterward, thank you very much.
I bet if we introduced a new gesture, like a dramatic jazz hands display, people would be just as moved. Imagine proposing with jazz hands - "Will you marry me?"
Jazz hands glittering
It's a spectacle, and you don't have to worry about aching knees. Let's start the jazz hands revolution!
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Kneeling is becoming a part of everyday life, and it's getting out of hand. I walked into a fast-food joint the other day, and the cashier was so short that I practically had to kneel just to hear my order. "Can I get a burger and a side of back pain, please?" And don't get me started on those low-to-the-ground coffee tables. You go to someone's house, and they're like, "Oh, just have a seat on the floor." Sure, let me just fold my legs into a pretzel and try not to look like I'm auditioning for Cirque du Soleil.
I think we need to rethink our furniture and social norms. Let's bring back regular-sized tables and chairs. I want to eat my dinner without feeling like I'm participating in a picnic for giants.
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You ever notice how in every romantic movie, the guy proposes by getting down on one knee? I mean, it's cute and all, but do they realize how impractical it is? Like, I tried it once, and let me tell you, it's not as smooth as it looks in the movies. First of all, I'm not a gymnast; I don't kneel gracefully. I looked like I was trying to do some weird yoga move, not propose. And what's the deal with the surprise element? How are you supposed to sneakily kneel without your partner noticing? "Oh, I just dropped my contact lens down here, don't mind me!" It's like proposing and playing hide-and-seek at the same time. I don't need that kind of stress in my life.
But here's the real kicker - if you're proposing in public, people start gathering around, thinking something epic is happening. I felt like I should have prepared a speech or fireworks or something. All I had was a ring and a bad knee. Talk about pressure!
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So, I decided to join a gym because apparently, that's what adults do. But have you seen the gym culture? Everyone's all about those knee-crushing exercises. Lunges, squats, kneeling push-ups - it's like they're trying to turn us all into human accordions. I went to a fitness class, and the instructor was like, "Alright, let's work on those knees!" I'm thinking, "I just wanted to lift a few weights, not audition for the next season of 'America's Got Kneecaps.'" Can't we have a fitness trend that's easy on the joints? Maybe a gentle stroll on the treadmill while watching Netflix - now that's my kind of workout.
And don't even get me started on yoga. Downward dog, upward dog, sideways dog - it's like a canine contortionist convention. I'm convinced yoga was invented by someone with a secret agenda to make us all kneel before the mighty mat.
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