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I kissed someone under the mistletoe once. Turns out, it was just a regular plant, and I ended up making out with a salad. Now I bring a botanist to all holiday parties.
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Why do we close our eyes when we kiss? It's not like we're playing hide and seek. I tried keeping my eyes open once; turns out, staring at someone's face from two inches away is more awkward than accidentally bumping teeth.
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Kissing someone you love is like finding a snack in your pocket that you forgot about. It's unexpected, delightful, and sometimes a bit sticky.
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Kissing is like a silent conversation. You lean in, and suddenly it's a non-verbal negotiation – are we going left or right? Up or down? It's like a dance, but with fewer dance steps and more lip movement.
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I recently learned that kissing burns calories. No wonder my high school make-out sessions left me feeling like I just ran a marathon – a marathon with tongue aerobics.
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Have you ever noticed how kissing in the rain is supposed to be this incredibly romantic thing? But in reality, it's just two people trying not to slip, slide, and inadvertently reenact a scene from a slapstick comedy.
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You ever notice how the first kiss is a lot like trying to parallel park? You approach slowly, there's a bit of awkward maneuvering, and sometimes you end up bumping into something. But if you get it right, everyone around you starts applauding.
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Kissing is like a human USB connection. You fumble around in the dark, hoping you're the right way up, and if it doesn't work the first time, you just turn it around and try again.
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You know you're an adult when a "quick peck" turns into a discussion about mortgage rates, weekend plans, and whether you remembered to buy milk.
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