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Parenting tip: If you want to experience time travel, try convincing a toddler to put on their shoes. You'll swear you just lost three hours of your life.
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They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but when you have kids, it's also the most dramatic. The cereal is too crunchy, the toast is too toasty, and the milk is apparently an offensive temperature.
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The term "morning routine" is a bit misleading when you have kids. It's more like a daily improvisational comedy show with unpredictable plot twists, starring a toddler who insists on wearing pajamas to preschool.
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Trying to get kids ready for school is like herding cats. Except the cats are on a sugar rush, and they insist on wearing superhero capes to the grocery store.
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I envy those people who wake up and do yoga or meditation to start their day. In my house, the closest thing to meditation is trying not to scream when I step on a Lego in the dark.
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Parenting is all about setting realistic goals. Today's goal: getting out the door on time without forgetting anyone or anything. It's like organizing a military operation, but with more fruit snacks.
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You know you're a parent when the most challenging part of your morning is not figuring out your outfit, but negotiating with a four-year-old over the color of their cereal bowl.
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The breakfast table with kids is like a high-stakes negotiation. "I'll trade you two bites of broccoli for three bites of pancakes and exclusive rights to the TV remote after school.
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I used to wake up to the sound of birds chirping. Now, it's the sound of my kid asking if it's the weekend yet for the umpteenth time. I should have invested in a parrot.
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