18 Kids That Can Be Told At Sacrament Meeting Jokes

Puns

Updated on: Aug 12 2025

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Why don't we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner!
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator!
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

Sermon Standoff

You know it's a risky joke when the bishop gives you the stink eye from the pulpit. It's a sermon standoff, and I'm over here armed with dad jokes and puns, trying not to get excommunicated by laughter.

Amen to That

Telling jokes in sacrament meeting is a delicate art. You've got to time it just right so that the laughter coincides with the Amens. Nothing says spiritual connection like a well-timed chuckle and a hearty Amen in unison.

Holy Hush-Hush

I tried telling a joke last Sunday, and it was so quiet, you could hear a hymn drop. I thought I was killing it, but apparently, the congregation wasn't ready for my standup salvation. I guess laughter is a sacred sound.

Sinfully Funny

They say laughter is the best medicine, but I'm pretty sure they didn't mean during sacrament meeting. My jokes are so sinfully funny; they should come with a disclaimer: May cause irreverent giggles and holy snickers.

Pew-dini

I once told a joke so good, half the congregation disappeared like a magic trick. I call it Pew-dini. Houdini had his disappearing act, and I have mine during sacrament meeting. Watch me make believers vanish!

Sunday School Showdown

You know, telling jokes at sacrament meeting is like a competition in Sunday School. It's not about who's the funniest; it's about who can sneak in a punchline without getting caught by the bishop. It's the holiest game of cat and mouse.

Pious Punchlines

Sacrament meeting is like a comedy club where the audience is praying for the punchline. I'm out here delivering pious punchlines, hoping the big man upstairs has a sense of humor. If not, I'm in divine trouble.

Holy Hecklers

I've got a squad of holy hecklers in the back pews. They're the ones shouting, Amen after every punchline, turning the entire meeting into a comedy club revival. I'm just trying not to get banned from the chapel for making the congregation too rowdy.

Tithe and Titters

I told a joke about tithing once, and suddenly, the collection plate got a lot lighter. Apparently, laughter doesn't count as a taxable income, but I'm still waiting for the IRS to get the memo.

Altar Ego

Kids that can be told at sacrament meeting are like altar egos—jokes that are just a little bit unholy but still sneak their way into the sanctuary. It's like trying to be the class clown in theology school. Father forgive me, for I have punned.

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