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The Procrastinator
Putting things off until the last possible moment
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I procrastinate so well; I've managed to delay my midlife crisis. I'm hoping it's a 'just before I kick the bucket' kind of thing. Gives me more time to decide between a sports car or adopting a llama.
The Overzealous Life Coach
Unwarranted Positivity and Goal Setting
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I told my life coach, 'I want to achieve something big before I kick the bucket.' He said, 'Of course! How about skydiving without a parachute?' I think he misunderstood 'achievement.'
The Superstitious Believer
Obsessive beliefs about omens and signs
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I avoid walking under ladders, throw salt over my shoulder, and knock on wood so much that my neighbors think I'm a crazy carpenter. But when it comes to the bucket list, I'm like, 'No bad omens, please. I've got things to do!'
The Hypochondriac
Exaggerated fear of minor symptoms
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I'm so paranoid about getting sick that I've set up a 'Hypo-alert' system at home. I sneeze, and suddenly it's like a hazmat team is breaking down my door. My sneezes are so powerful; I'm pretty sure one day I'll sneeze my soul out.
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