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You ever notice how dramatic the headlines in journalism can be? I mean, they make everything sound like the end of the world. "Local Man Loses Wallet: Civilization Teeters on the Brink!" I read an article the other day that said, "Scientists Say Coffee Could Extend Your Life." Great news, right? But then I thought about it - if I keep drinking this much coffee, my life might just feel longer because I'll be up all night staring at the ceiling!
And what's the deal with those clickbait articles? You won't believe what happens next, they say. Well, I clicked, and you know what happened next? I wasted five minutes of my life reading about a cat that can play the piano. I could've been doing something productive, like teaching my dog to fetch me a beer.
Seems like journalists these days are competing for the most sensational story. "Is Your Toothpaste Secretly Plotting Against You?" I don't know, but my toothpaste has been acting a bit sketchy lately.
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Have you ever noticed how news anchors use the term "breaking news" for everything nowadays? "Breaking News: Water is Wet!" I mean, isn't breaking news supposed to be reserved for, I don't know, things that are actually breaking? And then there's the weather report. The weatherman talks about the weather like he's narrating an epic battle. "The sun will rise in the east, battling the darkness of the night!" Dude, it's just going to be partly cloudy with a chance of showers. Save the drama for a soap opera.
I saw a news report that said, "Experts Say Eating Vegetables is Good for You." Really? Experts had to weigh in on this? Next, they'll tell us, "Experts Confirm Breathing Oxygen Essential for Human Survival." No kidding!
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Journalists love to spice up their articles with fancy words. I read a piece the other day that described a politician as "perspicacious" and "sagacious." I had to Google those words just to figure out if they were insults or compliments. And what's with the excessive use of adjectives? "The Astonishing, Mind-Blowing, Life-Changing Avocado Toast!" It's just toast with smashed avocado on it. It's not going to solve world hunger.
You know you're in trouble when a news article starts with, "In a stunning turn of events..." You can bet it's not going to be about a puppy parade or a surprise ice cream truck. It's probably about politicians doing what they do best - being politicians.
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Ever watch a political interview? It's like a masterclass in dodging questions. The interviewer asks, "What's your plan for the economy?" And the politician responds with a well-rehearsed dance routine that has absolutely nothing to do with the question. And don't even get me started on celebrity interviews. "So, tell us about your new movie." "Well, it's a movie, and I'm in it." Really insightful, thanks for sharing. I wanted to know if you did your own stunts, not your ability to state the obvious.
Sometimes I wish journalists would channel their inner detective during interviews. "We have evidence that you ate the last piece of cake in the office fridge. Care to comment?" Now that's the hard-hitting journalism we need!
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