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Frat houses love their traditions. They're like, "Every Thursday, we sacrifice a pizza to the beer gods, and every Friday, we wrestle in a pool of jello." I'm just trying to imagine the fraternity founding fathers sitting around, thinking, "You know what this brotherhood needs? More whipped cream and inflatable palm trees!" They take these traditions seriously, like it's a sacred pact passed down from generation to generation. I joined in on a tradition once, and it involved wearing a chicken suit for an entire day. I felt like a mascot for a team that didn't exist. "Go team, cluck cluck!"
But hey, who am I to judge? Every family has its quirks; some just involve more feathers and less dignity.
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Frat houses are like the Bermuda Triangle of hygiene. You walk in, and suddenly, your socks vanish into thin air. It's like the laundry gnomes are having a party somewhere in the basement, leaving you with mismatched socks and a sense of confusion. I once tried to use a frat house bathroom, and I swear it was like entering a crime scene. Yellow caution tape should be a standard accessory in there. I was afraid to touch anything—like, am I going to catch a disease from the soap dispenser?
And let's talk about the mystery stains on the couches. Are they battle scars from epic gaming tournaments, or did someone try to recreate Jackson Pollock's masterpiece with a can of soda? I'll never know.
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I recently tried hanging out with some fraternity guys, and I quickly realized I need a translator. They have this whole frat bro vernacular that's like a secret language. I'm there nodding along, pretending I know what "swole" and "bro-fest" mean. They throw around terms like "bro-code" and "bromance" as if they're discussing international diplomacy. I'm just trying to figure out if it's acceptable to bring a salad to a pizza party without violating some sacred bro law. It's like, "Dude, can I get a glossary before we continue this conversation?"
And what's with the excessive use of "bro"? I feel like I'm stuck in a conversation with a bunch of parrots. "Bro, bro, bro!" I'm waiting for someone to yell, "Polly wants a protein shake, bro!
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You ever notice how getting into a fraternity feels like trying to land a job at a top-notch company? I mean, they call it "rush week," but it's more like a series of intense interviews. It's like, "Welcome to the corporate world of beer pong and keg stands." You're sitting there, trying to impress these guys with your party skills and your ability to chug a can of soda faster than anyone else. It's like a bizarre mix of a job interview and a college party. And they always ask those weird questions, like, "If you were a condiment, what would you be?" Dude, I don't know, maybe ketchup because I go well with everything?
I imagine the frat interview process being more straightforward, like a normal job interview. "Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Hopefully not still doing keg stands, but hey, who knows?
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Why did the frat house have an open-door policy during interviews? They believed in 'frat'ernal transparency!
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Why did the frat president love interviewing potential members? He always wanted to 'pledge' his time!
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Why did the frat house invest in a library for interviews? They wanted to find candidates with 'frat'ernal knowledge!
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Why did the frat candidate bring a bouquet? He heard they were into 'fraternity' flowers!
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What did the frat interviewer say to the candidate who arrived early? 'You're a pledge ahead!
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What did the frat brother say to the candidate with a good sense of humor? 'You've got the 'frat' of the matter!
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Why was the frat interview like a potluck? Everyone brought their 'pledge' of contribution!
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What did the candidate say about the interview process? 'It's a 'frat'ening experience!
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Why did the frat interview feel like a game show? Because every candidate was hoping to 'rush' to the top!
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What did the frat interviewer say to the candidate who juggled during the interview? 'You've got some serious 'frat'ernal skills!
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Why did the frat interviewer appreciate the musical candidate? They were looking for someone with 'frat'ernal notes!
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What did the frat brother say to the nervous candidate? 'Don't worry, we're just here to make some 'frat'ernal connections!
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Why did the frat member bring a ladder to the interview? He wanted to climb the 'Greek' ladder of success!
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Why was the frat interview like a game of chess? Each move was critical to 'pledge'ing success!
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Why did the frat interview feel like a race? Everyone was trying to 'rush' to the finish line!
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What did the frat brother say during the interview? 'I'm a frat-tastic candidate!
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Why did the frat president always carry a tape measure during interviews? To ensure they met the 'frat'ernity height requirement!
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What did the fraternity interviewer say when asked about the dress code? 'We like our members to suit up in toga-nized fashion!
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Why did the frat house hire an accountant? They wanted someone to balance out the craziness!
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What did the frat interviewer say to the enthusiastic candidate? 'Your spirit is 'frat'tastic!
The Overprepared Nerd
Navigating intellect in a frat setting
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When I asked him about his favorite drink, he said, "I prefer a good old cup of green tea." Yeah, because nothing says "frat" like a guy sipping chamomile at a kegger.
The Zen Frat Bro
Trying to maintain inner peace in a chaotic frat environment
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When I asked him about his favorite fraternity tradition, he said, "The annual silent retreat." Yeah, because nothing says brotherhood like not talking to each other for a weekend.
The Overconfident Frat Bro
Balancing arrogance and reality
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I asked him about teamwork, and he goes, "Teamwork makes the dream work." I'm like, "Yeah, but your dream seems to involve a lot of solo cups and very little studying.
The Ambitious Frat Bro
Juggling academic ambitions with frat expectations
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When I asked him about his party trick, he said, "I can recite pi to 100 decimal places." Yeah, because nothing gets a party going like the infinite, non-repeating decimal representation of a mathematical constant.
The Reluctant Frat Pledge
Caught between desperation and dignity
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I asked him if he can handle pressure. He said, "I once aced a pop quiz in college." I'm like, "Pop quiz? We're talking about beer pong pressure, not calculus, man.
Frat Interviews
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Frat interviews are like a bizarre mating dance. They don't care about your qualifications; they're just assessing if you can dance the 'Cupid Shuffle' while chugging a beer and yelling your favorite sports team's chant!
Frat Interviews
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Frat interviews are like a reverse psychology experiment. They ask you about your leadership skills, but what they really mean is, Can you lead a group of friends to a 24-hour diner at 3 AM after a wild party?
Frat Interviews
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You know, frat interviews are like job interviews, except instead of asking about your skills and experience, they just wanna know how many keg stands you can do in a minute!
Frat Interviews
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Frat interviews are basically an audition to see if you can be the life of the party. Forget about your qualifications; they wanna know if you can make a mean cocktail and keep the crowd roaring with laughter!
Frat Interviews
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At frat interviews, they're less concerned about your GPA and more concerned about your BAC (Blood Alcohol Content)! It's the only place where a high score might actually get you in!
Frat Interviews
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Ever been to a frat interview? It's like being on a game show where the prize is a red plastic cup and the only question they ask is, Can you recite the entire 'Animal House' movie script from memory?
Frat Interviews
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At frat interviews, your negotiation skills are put to the test. It's less about salary negotiations and more about convincing the frat president that your dance moves will bring the house down at the next party!
Frat Interviews
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Ever tried to explain your problem-solving skills at a frat interview? It's less about hypothetical scenarios and more about how quickly you can find a solution when the pizza delivery is late and the party's getting hungry!
Frat Interviews
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You think job interviews are tough? Try answering questions about your ability to navigate through a frat house maze while blindfolded and avoiding a stream of water balloons! That's the real test!
Frat Interviews
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Ever notice how at frat interviews, they're less interested in your resume and more interested in your beer pong accuracy? It's like your future career depends on your ability to land a ping pong ball in a cup!
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Job interviews are like frat parties for adults. Instead of beer pong, you're playing the "How many strengths can you list in under 60 seconds" game. Spoiler alert: my record is two and a half.
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Job interviews are like frats in one crucial way – there's always that one person who takes things way too seriously. "No, I can't join your frat because I'm allergic to hazing, and I prefer my initiation ceremonies without a side of humiliation, thank you very much.
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Frat interviews are like job interviews, but instead of asking about your five-year plan, they want to know if you can handle a beer bong and still recite the alphabet backward. Spoiler alert: I can't.
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Frat interviews make me nostalgic for the good old days when the only thing I had to worry about impressing people with was my ability to remember the names of all seven dwarfs. Now, it's all about "teamwork" and "leadership.
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Frat interviews and job interviews both have that awkward moment when they ask if you have any special talents. "Well, I can recite the entire script of 'Mean Girls' and do a pretty mean interpretative dance to 'Single Ladies.'
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Frat interviews are like job interviews, but with a more relaxed dress code. "So, are cargo shorts and a Hawaiian shirt acceptable for the CFO position, or do I need to step it up a bit?
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The only difference between frat interviews and regular interviews is that in frats, they ask you about your party skills. "Can you juggle flaming shots while reciting the periodic table?" is a legitimate question.
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Job interviews and frat interviews are alike because both involve a lot of smiling, nodding, and pretending you're way more excited about the opportunity than you actually are. "Yes, I'm thrilled at the prospect of being your human beer pong table, thank you for asking.
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Frat interviews are a lot like regular interviews, but with more emphasis on your ability to shotgun a soda and less on your proficiency in Microsoft Excel. Finally, my college skills come in handy!
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