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You ever notice how when you're trying to be discreet about eating snacks in bed, the sound of a chip crunching is equivalent to a symphony in a quiet library? I'd rather try to eat bubble wrap quietly.
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I'd rather have a two-hour conversation with my voicemail than listen to another automated customer service menu. "Press 1 for frustration, press 2 for a deep sigh, and press 3 if you've given up on life.
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You know, I'd rather spend an extra hour looking for my keys than admit defeat and ask someone for help. I've turned my house upside down twice, but asking for assistance feels like admitting defeat to an inanimate object.
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I'd rather go to the dentist for a root canal than try to assemble another piece of IKEA furniture. If I wanted a challenge, I'd have signed up for a jigsaw puzzle, not a battle with an Allen wrench.
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You ever accidentally send a text to the wrong person and immediately contemplate faking your own death? "Oops, sorry boss, didn't mean to send that GIF of a dancing cat riding a Roomba. Please forget you ever saw it.
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You know, I'd rather manually type out a hundred emojis than try to decipher the hieroglyphics that pass for my friend's text messages. Is that a smiley face or an abstract representation of a potato? I'll never know.
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I'd rather tackle a mountain of laundry than try to fold a fitted sheet. It's like wrestling with an octopus – no matter how hard you try, it's never going to look neat and orderly.
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I'd rather attend a family reunion with all my distant relatives than receive another unsolicited video call. There's nothing like the sudden panic of trying to find a presentable background while simultaneously fixing your hair.
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I'd rather trust my GPS navigation system than follow the directions of a well-intentioned local who swears, "It's just around the corner." Three wrong turns later, and I'm in the Twilight Zone, not the grocery store.
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