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You ever notice how hospital workers are like the unsung heroes of our society? I mean, seriously, these folks are dealing with life and death every single day, and the only time we acknowledge them is when we're sick and cranky. I was at the hospital the other day, and I saw a nurse running around like she was in an episode of Grey's Anatomy. I asked her, "Is this a hospital or a season finale?" She didn't find it as amusing as I did, but come on, they deserve some levity.
And let's talk about doctors. They spend years in medical school, and we expect them to remember every single detail about our health. I can't even remember where I left my car keys half the time, and these guys are supposed to recall every medication I've taken since birth.
But seriously, shoutout to the hospital workers. They're the real MVPs. If I had to deal with that many bodily fluids on a daily basis, I'd demand hazard pay and a lifetime supply of hand sanitizer.
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You know you're in for a treat when you walk into a doctor's waiting room. It's like a microcosm of society, complete with gossiping grandmas, crying babies, and people flipping through outdated magazines like they're preparing for a pop culture trivia night in the 90s. I was in the waiting room, and they called my name. I stood up, and suddenly everyone looked at me like I was the chosen one. I half-expected a beam of light to shine down on me as I walked to the examination room.
But let's talk about the magazines for a second. Who reads these things? I saw a National Geographic from 2005. I felt like I was about to discover a lost civilization in its pages. And don't get me started on the highlight of waiting room entertainment—the TV that's always stuck on a channel playing a loop of infomercials for miracle cleaning products.
Next time I'm bringing my own entertainment. Maybe start a waiting room book club or organize a game of medical-themed charades. I'm pretty sure I could act out "colonoscopy" without saying a word.
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Can we talk about hospital cafeterias for a moment? I went to get a snack, and I swear the food there is like a punishment for not taking care of yourself. The salad bar looks like a crime scene, and the desserts are just a cruel temptation when you're there for health reasons. I asked the cafeteria lady, "Do you have anything organic?" She looked at me like I had three heads and said, "Honey, the only thing organic here is the mold on the bread." I decided to stick with the Jell-O, which is basically hospital code for, "We're not sure what flavor this is, but it jiggles."
And let's not forget the struggle of finding a place to sit. You've got doctors discussing heart surgeries next to a guy who's convinced he's a vampire because he watched too much Twilight. It's like a medical soap opera in there.
But hey, at least the hospital cafeteria prepares you for the uncertainties of life. You never know if you're going to get a gourmet meal or a mystery casserole that could double as a doorstop.
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I have a theory about doctors and their handwriting. I think they attend a secret class in medical school where they learn to write prescriptions in hieroglyphics. I took a prescription to the pharmacy once, and the pharmacist looked at it like it was the Rosetta Stone. I asked the doctor, "What does this say?" He replied, "Take it to the pharmacy; they'll figure it out." It's like a medical game of Pictionary, and we're all just hoping we don't end up with the wrong medication.
And what's with the tiny, pocket-sized prescriptions? Are doctors secretly moonlighting as poets? "Roses are red, violets are blue, take these pills, and you'll feel brand new." Thanks, Doc, but I'd prefer a prescription I can actually read without a magnifying glass.
But seriously, if doctors could improve their handwriting, it would save us all a lot of headaches. I shouldn't need a decoder ring to understand my prescription.
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