18 Hospital Workers Jokes

Puns

Updated on: Jul 04 2025

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Why did the doctor become a gardener? He wanted to see his patients 'blossom' back to health!
Why did the hospital workers form a band? They wanted to have a 'chart'-topping performance in every ward!
Why did the nurse always carry a red pen? In case they needed to draw blood!
Why did the doctor carry a red umbrella? Just in case they caught a case of the flu!
Why do doctors always carry a red carpet? In case they need to give a grand entrance to the emergency room!
Why did the doctor carry a red notebook? To keep track of all the patients in 'red'-iculous conditions!
Why did the hospital receptionist become a musician? She wanted to excel in 'patient'ly handling notes!
What's a doctor's favorite plant? A stetho-scope!

Doctor's Handwriting

I went to the hospital the other day, and the doctor handed me a prescription. I said, Are you sure this isn't just a sketch of a chicken scratch contest?

The Parking Situation

Why is it easier to find a vein for a blood test than it is to find parking at a hospital? You'd think they'd prioritize making one of those more accessible.

Elevator Music

Have you ever noticed the elevator music in hospitals? It's like they're trying to prepare you for the afterlife with the most bland tunes.

Bedside Manners

Doctors always ask you to rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10. I once said 11, and the doctor said, Oh, you're just exaggerating. Buddy, my arm was hanging by a thread!

Hospital Bills

After a week in the hospital, I was expecting a bill. What I wasn't expecting was the cost of a week's stay to be the same as a small car. Do they think they're offering a luxury suite?

Hospital Workers' Break Room

You ever notice how hospital workers take breaks in rooms that look more depressing than the waiting areas? Like, shouldn't they get a VIP lounge for having to deal with so much blood and... well, us?

The Cafeteria Food

You think hospitals would have top-notch food, right? But I swear, the only reason those Jell-O cups are still in business is because of hospital cafeterias.

The Gown

You know you're in for a wild time when the hospital gown they give you has more openings than a Broadway show.

Medical Terminology

Doctors love their fancy terms. I told a nurse I had a sore throat, and she said, Ah, you're experiencing a bilateral pharyngeal discomfort. Just give me a lozenge and let me live!

Waiting Room Magazines

Why do waiting rooms have magazines from 2002? I mean, if I wanted to read about the 'upcoming' Y2K scare, I'd... actually, no one ever wanted to read about Y2K.

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