bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
Dating in the modern world is like online shopping, and apparently, height is the new filter. You go on these dating apps, and they ask you to list your height like it's a vital statistic. It's not a dating profile; it's a human measurement chart. I saw a profile that said, "Swipe left if you're under 6 feet." Really? Is this Tinder or the NBA draft? I can imagine someone on a date asking, "Can you stand up real quick? I just need to make sure you match the height listed on your profile."
And then there are those who write, "I love tall guys because I like to wear heels." Well, I love pizza, but you don't see me excluding people based on their ability to deliver a good slice.
I think we should have a filter for personality instead. "Swipe left if you can't tell a good joke or if you use 'LOL' in actual conversation.
0
0
Everyone talks about the perks of being tall or the advantages of being short, but what about the perks of being just the right height? I call it the Goldilocks Zone of Humanity. First of all, I can comfortably use public transportation. I don't have to worry about my head hitting the bus ceiling or my feet dangling off the subway seat like a kid on a swing. It's like riding in a perfectly sized roller coaster – thrilling without the fear of decapitation.
Also, I'm never asked to be the point guard in a pickup basketball game. I don't have to endure the embarrassment of missing every shot because I can't reach the net. I'll stick to sports where the ball is on the ground, thank you very much.
And let's not forget airplane seats. I can actually sit without my knees touching my chin. It's like I'm living in the lap of luxury, or should I say, the seat of comfort?
So, while everyone is busy bragging about their extreme heights, I'll be here enjoying the perks of being just right – the Goldilocks of the human race.
0
0
You ever notice how society has this weird obsession with height? I mean, I'm not short, but I'm not exactly setting off metal detectors at the airport either. There's this unspoken rule that says, "If you're not 6 feet tall, you might as well be invisible." I went to a party recently, and this guy walks up to me and goes, "Hey, how's the weather down there?" I'm thinking, "Really? We're still using that line? I should've replied, 'It's raining sarcasm, and you forgot your umbrella.'"
But seriously, being of average height is like being the middle child of the human experience. We're not celebrated like the tall folks, and we're not underestimated like the shorter ones. We're just here, blending into the background, like human wallpaper.
It's not like we can change our height anyway. I can't wake up one morning and decide, "You know what? Today, I'm feeling 6'2". Let me just stretch out these limbs and see what happens." It's not a superhero power; it's a genetic lottery, and I'm here holding a ticket to the "Meh, You're Okay" party.
0
0
Have you ever looked at job descriptions and thought, "Am I applying for a job or auditioning for America's Next Top Model?" I swear, some employers make it sound like being tall is a key qualification for success. I saw a job posting that said, "Looking for someone with a towering presence." Really? Are they hiring a receptionist or a bouncer? I can imagine showing up for the interview and the boss saying, "You're hired, but can you wear these stilts during office hours?"
And then there's the classic requirement: "Must be able to reach high shelves." Are we hiring for a librarian or a human step stool? I feel like I should add in my resume, "Can successfully operate a step ladder, and I once reached the top shelf at the grocery store without asking for help."
It's like they're saying, "We need someone who can change light bulbs without a ladder." I'm sorry, but I'm not risking my life to replace a light bulb. If you want me to handle heights, give me a motivational speech, not a ladder.
Post a Comment