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Why did the angel bring a ladder to heaven's gate? For the stairway to heaven, of course!
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Why did the cherub bring a map to heaven's gate? To find the divine intervention!
Heaven's Gate
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So, Heaven's Gate believed in aliens, right? They were all about extraterrestrial life. I guess they figured, If we're going to join another civilization, let's make a killer first impression! I'm just surprised they didn't ask the aliens to abduct them during rush hour traffic – that's a real out-of-this-world experience!
Heaven's Gate
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Heaven's Gate believed in abandoning all material possessions. I bet their garage sale was out of this world – Get your slightly used earthly belongings, now at cosmic prices! If only I could convince my landlord that I'm ready for ascension and he should waive this month's rent – Sorry, can't take it with me, you know?
Heaven's Gate
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Heaven's Gate had this whole thing about ascension and transcending their earthly bodies. Honestly, if I wanted to leave my body behind, I'd just sign up for a gym membership. But these guys were like, Nah, let's go to the afterlife aerobics class – no pain, no reincarnation!
Heaven's Gate
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Heaven's Gate thought they could communicate with aliens through a series of signals. I tried that once with my TV remote – didn't work. Maybe they should've just sent a space text: Hey, we're the ones in the matching tracksuits. Mind picking us up at the cosmic bus stop?
Heaven's Gate
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Heaven's Gate believed the end of the world was near. Talk about FOMO – Fear of Missing Out-of-this-world events. I can imagine their leader saying, Folks, we're gonna party like it's the apocalypse, and you're all invited! Bring your own spaceship snacks – it's gonna be a blast, literally!
Heaven's Gate
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Heaven's Gate had a website back in the day, promoting their celestial journey. I guess even cults need a good web presence. Can you imagine the website FAQ? Q: How do I join? A: Wear the tracksuit, leave your body, and wait for the cosmic Uber. Warning: Surge pricing may apply during peak ascension hours.
Heaven's Gate
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You know, I heard about this cult called Heaven's Gate. They thought they could hitch a ride on a spaceship behind a comet to reach some kind of cosmic paradise. I mean, I've heard of carpooling, but these guys took it to a whole new level. Imagine explaining that to the intergalactic Uber driver: Just drop us off at Nirvana, next to the Milky Way!
Heaven's Gate
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You know, Heaven's Gate members wore matching tracksuits. If you're planning on hitching a ride on a spaceship, I guess comfort is key. Can you imagine meeting an alien race for the first time and looking like a reject from an '80s workout video? Hey, E.T., let's hit the elliptical together!
Heaven's Gate
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So, Heaven's Gate thought the comet Hale-Bopp was their ticket to the great beyond. If only their travel agent had suggested a cruise instead – much less chance of running into an unexpected comet. Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be docking in enlightenment in 3, 2, 1... oh, is that a comet? Brace for impact!
Heaven's Gate
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Heaven's Gate believed in shedding their earthly identities. I get it – we all have those cringe-worthy moments we want to forget. But these guys took it to extremes. I can't decide if they were starting a cult or auditioning for the intergalactic version of The Masked Singer – Tonight, on Planet X, who's behind the cosmic curtain?
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