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Have you ever considered the job of the heavenly bouncer? I bet it's a tough gig. "No, you can't come in with those earthly sins. And leave your ego at the door – we've got enough of those up here.
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Heaven's Gate sounds like the ultimate members-only club. I can see them advertising it now, "Limited spots available, reserve your spot now! VIP access to eternal happiness – no cover charge, but be prepared to pay with good deeds.
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You ever notice how Heaven's Gate sounds more like the entrance to an exclusive nightclub than the afterlife? I can almost picture St. Peter at the door with a clipboard, checking the guest list, like, "Sorry, John, you're not on the list. No eternal bliss for you tonight.
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You ever think about the orientation process at Heaven's Gate? "Welcome to eternal paradise! Now, here's your harp, your cloud, and a map of the celestial snack bar. Oh, and avoid talking to Lucifer; he's been causing trouble again.
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Imagine Heaven's Gate having an online portal for pre-reservations. "Select your preferred level of nirvana, choose your celestial amenities, and don't forget to add extra cloud fluffiness to your heavenly experience.
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I was thinking about Heaven's Gate the other day, and I couldn't help but wonder if they have a Yelp page. Can you imagine the reviews? "Five stars for the celestial ambiance, but the cloud seating is a bit uncomfortable, and the harp music gets old after the first millennium.
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I heard they have a strict dress code at Heaven's Gate. I can imagine the sign: "No flip-flops, no tank tops, and definitely no wings if they clash with your halo. We're trying to maintain some standards up here!
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Do you think they have a lost and found in Heaven? "St. Peter, I seem to have misplaced my favorite pair of wings. Have you seen them anywhere? I can't fly properly without them!
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Heaven's Gate – where the stairway to heaven is more like an escalator because, let's face it, we've all been climbing enough metaphorical stairs in our lives.
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