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Remember when the head girl would walk down the hallways like she owned the place? You'd see her in the hallway, and it's like parting the Red Sea. Everyone moves out of the way, and you're left there contemplating your life choices. And then there's the aftermath. Once she graduates, it's like the school is recovering from a hurricane. There's a void, an emptiness in the hallways. Who's going to tell us to stop running in the hallways now? Who's going to lead us to the promised land of the senior lounge?
And let's not even talk about the pressure on the next head girl. It's like being handed the baton in a relay race, but instead of running, you're navigating the treacherous waters of high school politics. "Good luck, Susan. May the GPA be ever in your favor."
So, to all the former head girls out there, I salute you for surviving the chaos and drama. And to the current head girl, good luck on your quest to change the world, one high school hallway at a time.
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Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever been to one of those high school assemblies where they announce the head girl? It's like the Oscars for teenage drama! I mean, they make it sound like choosing the head girl is the most crucial decision of our lives. The tension in that room is so thick; you could cut it with a dull pair of safety scissors. And then comes the head girl speech. Now, I don't know about you, but when I was in high school, I had a better chance of understanding quantum physics than comprehending what the head girl was blabbering about. It's like they're handed a script from another dimension, written in a language only teenagers understand.
You ever notice how they always start with, "We are the future"? I'm sitting there thinking, "The future of what? Snapchat streaks and avocado toast?" I mean, I'm just trying to survive math class without embarrassing myself, and here she is, planning the destiny of humanity.
And they always promise change, right? "I will bring change to this school!" Oh really? Are you going to change the fact that the cafeteria pizza tastes like cardboard, or are you just going to change the font on the homework assignments?
I'm convinced that the head girl position is a conspiracy. It's like the school administration's way of saying, "Let's mess with them one more time before they enter the real world.
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You ever notice how the head girl speech is the only time some of these girls go on stage? I swear, they act like they just won the NBA Finals with their victory walk and all. They approach that podium like they're about to drop the hottest mixtape of 2023. And the speeches themselves! It's like they all went to the same speechwriting academy, where they teach you to use as many clichés as possible. "I believe in a world where dreams become reality." What does that even mean? Is this a head girl speech or the trailer for the next Disney movie?
But my favorite part is when they throw in a quote from some famous philosopher to make it sound deep. "As Aristotle once said, 'The only way to do great work is to love what you do.'" I'm just waiting for one of them to quote Shakespeare with, "To be or not to be the head girl, that is the question."
And let's talk about the cheers from the crowd after the speech. It's like they just witnessed the most epic slam dunk in the history of basketball. "She said she's going to change the vending machine snacks! This is revolutionary!
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You ever wonder how they choose the head girl? It's like Hogwarts sorting hat-level mystery. I mean, is there a head girl initiation ritual? Do they have secret meetings where they discuss the forbidden knowledge of how to refill the paper towel dispenser in the bathroom? And then there's the question of who decides. Is it the teachers? The principal? The janitor who's been silently observing the chaos and thinks, "Yeah, she can handle this mess"?
I imagine there's a top-secret committee with a room full of teachers sitting around a table, wearing cloaks and casting votes like they're in some kind of academic Illuminati. "I vote for Sarah. She aced her chemistry test last week." "I second that. Plus, she didn't laugh when Jimmy tried to launch a paper airplane in class."
But seriously, if anyone knows the criteria for becoming head girl, please enlighten me. Is there a Head Girl for Dummies handbook I missed?
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