4 Halloween That Kids To Tell Their Dad Jokes

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Jan 31 2025

cancel
Rating
Sort By:
Now, let's talk about the costumes these kids pick. My son comes to me, all excited, saying he wants to be a ghost. I'm thinking, "Classic, simple, I can handle that." So, we grab a sheet, cut some holes, and boom, he's a ghost. But then he looks at me and goes, "Dad, this isn't spooky enough. I need chains or something."
Chains? I'm not turning my kid into a haunted chandelier! I told him, "You want spooky? Fine. You're a ghost who can't find Wi-Fi." Now, that's terrifying for the modern generation! Imagine a ghost trying to stream a haunting on a dial-up connection. "Boo... buffering... boo!
Halloween also means it's time for scary movies. My kids come to me with a horror flick, and they're like, "Dad, let's watch this!" Now, I'm a grown man, but horror movies still get to me. I'm like, "Fine, let's do it." But here's the catch—they want to watch it with the lights off.
I'm thinking, "Hold on, you want me to watch a scary movie in the dark? I'm not doing it; I've seen this movie before, and it doesn't end well. It ends with me checking under my bed and in the closet for monsters!" I told them, "We'll compromise: lights on, and I'll pretend to be brave." It's like a Halloween dad survival strategy.
After the trick-or-treating comes the great candy negotiation. My kids dump their loot on the living room floor like they're planning a candy coup. My youngest, though, he's a wheeler-dealer. He looks at his brother and goes, "I'll trade you two Kit Kats for a Snickers." It's like they're at the New York Stock Exchange, shouting, "I need more Reese's, sell, sell, sell!"
And then there's the inevitable question: "Dad, can I eat all my candy tonight?" I'm like, "Kid, Halloween is not a sugar sprint; it's a sugar marathon. Pace yourself!" But no, they want to devour it all in one night. I tell them, "If you eat that much candy, you'll be bouncing off the walls, and I'm not dealing with Halloween candy-induced hysteria.
You know, Halloween is that one time of the year where kids become expert storytellers. They come back from trick-or-treating, and it's like they've just survived a horror movie. I remember my kid comes up to me, all wide-eyed, and goes, "Dad, you won't believe what happened!" Now, I'm thinking he met a zombie or saw a vampire, right? But no, he goes, "There was this house, and they were giving out toothpaste instead of candy!"
I'm thinking, "What kind of monster hands out dental hygiene products on Halloween? Are they trying to scare kids away with the prospect of oral hygiene? 'Trick or floss!'" I mean, I get it; you want kids to have good teeth, but can we save the dental lessons for November? On Halloween, we're all about the sugar, not the plaque!

Post a Comment


How was your experience?
0 0 reviews
5 Stars
(0)
4 Stars
(0)
3 Stars
(0)
2 Stars
(0)
1 Stars
(0)

Topic of the day

Go-somewhere
Feb 22 2025

0
Total Topics
0
Added Today