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Why did Groucho bring a ladder to the comedy club? He heard the jokes were over his head!
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Why did Groucho go to the comedy school? He wanted to be a class clown without the algebra!
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Why did Groucho Marx become a gardener? Because he wanted to grow on people!
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What's Groucho's favorite type of math? Subtracting the seriousness from any situation!
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I asked Groucho if he's good at chess. He said, 'I always make my opponent laugh, so I consider that a checkmate!
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Groucho's philosophy on life? 'Why take it seriously when you can take it hilariously!
Groucho's Philosophical Wisdom
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I was reading Groucho Marx's philosophy the other day. He said, I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. I thought, Wow, that's deep! So, I applied it to my gym membership, and now I'm in the best shape of my life - because I can't get into any gym.
Groucho's Approach to Parenting
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Groucho's parenting advice was classic. He said, The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. So now, I'm teaching my kids the art of the convincing fake apology.
Groucho's Romantic Poetry
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Groucho had a romantic side too. He once wrote a poem that went, I remember the first time I had sex—I kept the receipt. Now I'm thinking of getting my own receipt printer, just in case.
Groucho's GPS Navigation
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You know, I heard Groucho Marx designed a GPS system. Instead of giving you directions, it just insults you the whole way. Turn left, you knucklehead! What's the matter with you? I tried it, and now I not only get lost, but I also question my life choices.
Groucho's Social Media Strategy
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Groucho had a unique approach to social media. He said, I don't care to belong to any social network that will accept me as a member. So, now I just sit at home, and my social life is so exclusive, even my Wi-Fi network rejects me.
Groucho's Job Interview Tips
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I found a list of Groucho's job interview tips. He said, I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. Now, I use that line at job interviews, and surprisingly, I've had a lot of perfectly wonderful evenings at home.
Groucho's Guide to Modern Romance
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You know, I recently stumbled upon Groucho Marx's secret book on modern romance. Apparently, his advice for dating was to always ask a woman, Are you married? And if you are, how's your husband feeling about that? I tried it, and let me tell you, it's a fantastic way to stay single.
Groucho's Car Troubles
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Groucho once said, I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go into another room and read a book. I tried the same with my car - every time it breaks down, I leave it and take a walk. My mechanic hates me.
Groucho's DIY Home Repair
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Groucho was quite the handyman. He said, A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. So, now I've applied that logic to home repairs. If something breaks, I figure it's just on its way to a better place, and I leave it be.
Groucho's Diet Plan
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Groucho had this revolutionary diet plan. He said, The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. So, I tried applying that to my diet. I look at a salad and say, I honestly want a burger, and miraculously, the calories disappear.
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