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Why did the diamond break up with the ruby? It found someone facet-nating!
Gem of a Boss
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My boss called me into his office and said, You're a gem, always shining bright. I thought I was getting a promotion, but no, he just wanted me to change the light bulb in the breakroom. I'm not an electrician, I'm a comedian!
Gem Diet
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I tried this new diet where you only eat precious gems. Yeah, it's called the gemstone diet. I lost a lot of weight, but my dentist is not happy. He said my teeth are now officially bling-bling.
Gem Self-Defense
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I'm taking a self-defense class where they teach you to use everyday objects as weapons. So, watch out, because if you mess with me, I'll whip out my secret weapon: a pocket full of glitter. Blinding assailants with fabulousness!
Gem Therapy
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My therapist told me to find my inner gem. I thought she meant self-discovery, but no, she literally handed me a bag of marbles and said, Play with these, it'll help. I'm paying for this?
Gem of Wisdom
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You ever notice how people always refer to knowledge as a gem? Like, Oh, that's a gem of wisdom right there. Well, let me tell you, my wisdom is more like cubic zirconia—looks good from afar, but don't inspect it too closely!
Gem Hunt Fail
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I went on a treasure hunt recently, looking for hidden gems. Turns out, the only gems I found were in my grandma's jewelry box, and she wasn't too thrilled about me raiding her accessories. Who knew the real treasures were family heirlooms?
Gem and the Furious
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I recently got into a heated argument with my pet rock. Yeah, I call him Gem. We had a falling out, and now he's giving me the silent treatment. I tried to apologize, but he's just stonewalling me.
Gem vs. Netflix
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I tried to impress my friends by telling them I have a gem subscription. They got all excited, thinking I had some exclusive streaming service. Nope, it's just me polishing rocks on a Friday night.
Gem Shopping Woes
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I went to a gem store to buy a present for my girlfriend. The salesperson asked, What's your budget? I said, Well, I was thinking of a rock, but I don't want to take out a mortgage for it.
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