17 Jokes For Gem

Puns

Updated on: Jul 12 2024

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How do gems communicate underwater? Coral-pidols!
Why did the diamond break up with the ruby? It found someone facet-nating!
What did the gem say to the jeweler? You're a gem of a person!
What's a gem's favorite dance move? The sparkle shuffle!
Why did the gem go to school? Because it wanted to be a little boulder!
What do you call a gem that's always in a hurry? A rush-amond!
What's a gem's favorite type of movie? Rockumentaries!

Gem of a Boss

My boss called me into his office and said, You're a gem, always shining bright. I thought I was getting a promotion, but no, he just wanted me to change the light bulb in the breakroom. I'm not an electrician, I'm a comedian!

Gem Diet

I tried this new diet where you only eat precious gems. Yeah, it's called the gemstone diet. I lost a lot of weight, but my dentist is not happy. He said my teeth are now officially bling-bling.

Gem Self-Defense

I'm taking a self-defense class where they teach you to use everyday objects as weapons. So, watch out, because if you mess with me, I'll whip out my secret weapon: a pocket full of glitter. Blinding assailants with fabulousness!

Gem Therapy

My therapist told me to find my inner gem. I thought she meant self-discovery, but no, she literally handed me a bag of marbles and said, Play with these, it'll help. I'm paying for this?

Gem of Wisdom

You ever notice how people always refer to knowledge as a gem? Like, Oh, that's a gem of wisdom right there. Well, let me tell you, my wisdom is more like cubic zirconia—looks good from afar, but don't inspect it too closely!

Gem Hunt Fail

I went on a treasure hunt recently, looking for hidden gems. Turns out, the only gems I found were in my grandma's jewelry box, and she wasn't too thrilled about me raiding her accessories. Who knew the real treasures were family heirlooms?

Gem and the Furious

I recently got into a heated argument with my pet rock. Yeah, I call him Gem. We had a falling out, and now he's giving me the silent treatment. I tried to apologize, but he's just stonewalling me.

Gem vs. Netflix

I tried to impress my friends by telling them I have a gem subscription. They got all excited, thinking I had some exclusive streaming service. Nope, it's just me polishing rocks on a Friday night.

Gem Shopping Woes

I went to a gem store to buy a present for my girlfriend. The salesperson asked, What's your budget? I said, Well, I was thinking of a rock, but I don't want to take out a mortgage for it.

Gem of a Date

I took my date to a fancy restaurant the other night, and she said, This place is a gem! Well, it was until I accidentally knocked over my water, and suddenly our gem of a date turned into a slip 'n slide competition.

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