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You ever realize how Gandalf is all about those epic battles? I mean, the guy loves a good skirmish. But have you noticed that he's never really the one doing the fighting? It's always, "Fly, you fools!" or "You shall not pass!" It's like he's the ultimate delegator. I imagine him in a corporate setting: "You, interns, shall handle the spreadsheets! And you, accounts payable, shall not pass without proper authorization!" He's basically the CEO of Middle-earth, giving motivational speeches while everyone else is getting their hands dirty.
But hey, you can't blame him for not wanting to break a sweat. I mean, have you seen that long white beard? That thing's a fire hazard in battle. I bet Sauron's minions are just waiting for him to trip over it. "Quick, someone distract Gandalf with a riddle while I cut off a piece of that beard for good luck!
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You guys ever notice how Gandalf, the wizard from "Lord of the Rings," is always so confused? I mean, this guy can summon eagles, shoot fireworks from his staff, but when it comes to giving clear directions, he's worse than my GPS. I can imagine him in modern times, trying to use technology. He'd be like, "You shall not pass... the security verification! Seriously, what's a CAPTCHA, and why do I have to prove I'm not a robot? I'm a wizard, dammit!"
And don't even get me started on his fashion sense. I mean, dude, the gray robe and the pointy hat went out of style with Merlin. Gandalf needs a makeover. I bet if he went on a reality show, the judges would be like, "Gandalf, we love the beard, but the hat has got to go. And what's with the stick? It's not a wand; it's a walking stick!
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Let's talk about Gandalf's pickup lines. The guy is smooth, but in a Gandalf kind of way. Can you imagine him at a bar trying to impress someone? "Hey there, are you a Balrog? Because you just set my heart on fire!" And when things don't go well, he pulls out the classic, "You shall not reject me!" Sorry, Gandalf, but that's not how consent works. You can't just use wizardry to force someone into a date.
I bet he's on Tinder with a bio that says, "Gandalf the Grey, looking for a Galadriel in a world full of orcs. Must love long walks in Middle-earth and have a high tolerance for fireworks.
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You ever wonder what Gandalf does in his free time? I mean, being a wizard must get boring between saving Middle-earth and all. I like to think he has a secret side hustle. Maybe he's a party planner in the Shire, organizing hobbit birthdays and making sure there's enough pipe-weed for everyone. "Gandalf the Grey Events, bringing magic to your celebrations!"
And imagine him on social media. "Just conjured up some fireworks for Bilbo's 111th birthday! #PartyWizard #FireworksOnFleek." I bet his Instagram is filled with selfies of him with the Ring of Power, captioned, "One ring to rule them all, but first, let me take a wizard selfie!
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