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Frat houses love their traditions. They're like, "Every Thursday, we sacrifice a pizza to the beer gods, and every Friday, we wrestle in a pool of jello." I'm just trying to imagine the fraternity founding fathers sitting around, thinking, "You know what this brotherhood needs? More whipped cream and inflatable palm trees!" They take these traditions seriously, like it's a sacred pact passed down from generation to generation. I joined in on a tradition once, and it involved wearing a chicken suit for an entire day. I felt like a mascot for a team that didn't exist. "Go team, cluck cluck!"
But hey, who am I to judge? Every family has its quirks; some just involve more feathers and less dignity.
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Frat houses are like the Bermuda Triangle of hygiene. You walk in, and suddenly, your socks vanish into thin air. It's like the laundry gnomes are having a party somewhere in the basement, leaving you with mismatched socks and a sense of confusion. I once tried to use a frat house bathroom, and I swear it was like entering a crime scene. Yellow caution tape should be a standard accessory in there. I was afraid to touch anything—like, am I going to catch a disease from the soap dispenser?
And let's talk about the mystery stains on the couches. Are they battle scars from epic gaming tournaments, or did someone try to recreate Jackson Pollock's masterpiece with a can of soda? I'll never know.
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I recently tried hanging out with some fraternity guys, and I quickly realized I need a translator. They have this whole frat bro vernacular that's like a secret language. I'm there nodding along, pretending I know what "swole" and "bro-fest" mean. They throw around terms like "bro-code" and "bromance" as if they're discussing international diplomacy. I'm just trying to figure out if it's acceptable to bring a salad to a pizza party without violating some sacred bro law. It's like, "Dude, can I get a glossary before we continue this conversation?"
And what's with the excessive use of "bro"? I feel like I'm stuck in a conversation with a bunch of parrots. "Bro, bro, bro!" I'm waiting for someone to yell, "Polly wants a protein shake, bro!
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You ever notice how getting into a fraternity feels like trying to land a job at a top-notch company? I mean, they call it "rush week," but it's more like a series of intense interviews. It's like, "Welcome to the corporate world of beer pong and keg stands." You're sitting there, trying to impress these guys with your party skills and your ability to chug a can of soda faster than anyone else. It's like a bizarre mix of a job interview and a college party. And they always ask those weird questions, like, "If you were a condiment, what would you be?" Dude, I don't know, maybe ketchup because I go well with everything?
I imagine the frat interview process being more straightforward, like a normal job interview. "Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Hopefully not still doing keg stands, but hey, who knows?
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