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You ever get into a fight with someone, and in the middle of it, you start questioning your life choices? I had this intense argument with my friend the other day. We were fighting about something so trivial, I can't even remember what it was. But in the heat of the moment, I realized, "Is this really worth it?" We were both throwing insults at each other like confetti at a New Year's Eve party. And then it hit me, I don't even care about this issue! I just wanted to win the argument. So, we fought, and I found out that sometimes it's better to just let it go. Now, I've added "Avoid unnecessary conflicts" to my list of life goals. Right below "Learn to juggle." At least that one sounds more achievable.
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Being in a relationship is like being in a secret fight club. The first rule of relationship fight club is you don't talk about the fight club. The second rule is you fight about things that happened three months ago. It's like our brains have this special folder called "Things to Bring Up in the Next Argument." We fought about where to eat last week, and suddenly, she's like, "Remember that time in 2017 when you forgot our anniversary?" How do you even respond to that? It's like fighting a ghost; you can't win. So now, I've started a relationship fight club support group. We meet in secret, share our battle scars, and pretend we have it all figured out.
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You know you're an adult when the highlight of your day is finding the last cookie in the jar. I had a serious battle with my roommate over that last cookie. It was like a scene from an action movie, slow-motion reaching for the jar, dramatic music playing in the background. I lunged, he lunged, and we both ended up doing this weird cookie dance trying to grab it first. I finally got hold of it, and for a moment, I felt like a victorious gladiator. But then I realized, it's just a cookie. We fought over a cookie like it was the last piece of the antidote to save humanity. Lesson learned: Never underestimate the power of a sweet tooth.
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You ever have those moments where you fight with things that don't fight back? I'm convinced that inanimate objects have a secret society plotting against us. The other day, I stubbed my toe on the coffee table, and I swear I heard it laugh. It's like, "Gotcha again!" I fought with my printer the other day. It's 2023, and printers still act like they're auditioning for a horror movie. It jammed, it squeaked, and at one point, I'm pretty sure it growled at me. I fought with it for an hour before realizing the document was on my computer screen the entire time. I don't know who won that battle, but the printer definitely lost some ink in the process.
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