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I was talking to my neighbor the other day, and he was all excited about spending a fortnight in his garden. I thought, "Wow, this guy is really into his plants!" But then he mentioned he was playing Fortnite, and I realized we have completely different definitions of cultivating something. I'm out here trying to grow tomatoes, and he's harvesting virtual battle victories. I asked him if he ever considered combining the two, like having a garden in the middle of the battlefield. Picture it: soldiers running around, dodging bullets, and then suddenly, they stumble upon a beautiful rose garden. Maybe that's the key to world peace - instead of fighting, we just drop people into a virtual garden and let them battle it out with pruning shears.
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I tried explaining Fortnite to my grandma, and she looked at me like I was speaking an alien language. She said, "In my day, we had real battles, not these make-believe ones on a glowing screen." I tried to convince her that this was the modern way of engaging in combat, but she was having none of it. Now, whenever I play Fortnite, I imagine my grandma watching from the afterlife, shaking her head and muttering, "Back in my day, we had Pong, and we liked it!" I guess every generation has its own way of battling monsters - whether they're digital or just the neighbor's annoying dog.
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You know you've been playing too much Fortnite when you start applying its logic to real life. I tried implementing the "fortnight diet plan" - you only eat every two weeks. Turns out, it's not the best approach. I was so weak; I couldn't even lift the controller. And then there's the whole concept of a battle royale. I suggested to my family that we should have a battle royale for the TV remote. Winner gets to choose the show. Let me tell you, it was more intense than any Fortnite match I've ever witnessed. My grandma elbowed me out of the way like she was going for the championship title.
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You ever notice how "fortnight" sounds like something straight out of medieval times? I mean, are we going to battle dragons or trying to survive a zombie apocalypse in the 14th century? No, we're just talking about a game! I tried playing Fortnite once, and within the first five minutes, I was more lost than a cat in a laser pointer factory. You got these kids building skyscrapers in seconds. I can't even build a sandwich in that time! And what's the deal with those victory dances? I tried doing one once, and my wife just looked at me like I'd lost my mind. Apparently, doing the floss in the living room is not as cool as it is in the virtual world.
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