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Why did the ex-wife start skydiving? She wanted to experience a free fall without the commitment.
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Why did the ex-wife bring a ladder to the bar? She heard the drinks were on the house!
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Why did the ex-wife start a travel blog? To show the world how far away she could get from me!
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Why did the ex-wife become a teacher? She wanted to grade me on how poorly I handled relationships.
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Why did the ex-wife join a music band? She wanted to learn to handle more instruments than alimony bills!
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Why did the ex-wife start a gardening club? She wanted to let things grow, unlike our relationship!
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Why did the ex-wife become a chef? She wanted to spice things up – unlike our marriage!
Ex-Factor: The Only Math I Failed
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You know, they say you learn from your mistakes. Well, my ex-wife was the quadratic equation of my life - I still can't figure out why the 'ex' is in there.
Wedding Vows vs. Divorce Papers: Spot the Difference
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Wedding vows and divorce papers have something in common - they both start with love and end with lawyer fees are due. One moment you're promising forever, the next you're dividing who gets the last roll of toilet paper.
Divorce Diet: The Fastest Way to Lose Half Your Weight
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They say divorce is like a diet - the fastest way to lose half your weight. Well, in my case, it was also the fastest way to lose half my furniture, half my savings, and all my hair.
Ex-Wife's Gifts: The Present That Keeps on Giving... to Her Lawyer
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My ex-wife's gifts were like the presents that keep on giving - to her lawyer. It's the only time I've seen someone unwrap something and immediately call their attorney.
Ex-Wife or GPS? Both Take Half of Everything
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My ex-wife and GPS have a lot in common. They both tell me where to go, and in the end, I lose half of everything.
Marriage: Where 'I do' Becomes 'I'm done'
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Marriage is a beautiful journey - from 'I do' to 'I'm done.' It's like planning a cross-country road trip only to realize you forgot to pack the snacks, the patience, and the ability to agree on what music to play.
Ex-Wife's Memory: Selective and Expensive
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My ex-wife's memory is like a high-end restaurant menu - selective and expensive. She remembers every anniversary, but conveniently forgets to recall that time I took out the trash.
Love is Blind, But Lawyers Aren't
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They say love is blind, but let me tell you, lawyers have 20/20 vision. My ex-wife's lawyer could spot a loophole from a mile away. It's like they have a sixth sense for finding the fine print in your heart.
Ex Marks the Spot
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You know, they say love is like a treasure hunt. Well, my ex-wife must have left a whole map of X's around town because everywhere I go, I find disappointment.
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