4 Jokes For Escape

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Jul 18 2025

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You guys ever been to an escape room? You know, those places where you pay money to get locked in a room with your friends and then have to solve puzzles to get out? I went recently, and let me tell you, it was like a low-budget action movie.
So, we're in this room, the clock is ticking, and tensions are rising. Everyone's trying to solve puzzles, and I'm just there like, "Can we call for a hint? I'm not Tom Hanks in 'The Da Vinci Code.' I'm more like Tom Hanks in 'Cast Away,' desperately trying to figure out how to escape this room with a volleyball as my only friend."
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, we solve the last puzzle. The door swings open, and we're free! I've never seen a group of adults so excited to escape from a room they willingly entered. We celebrated like we just won the lottery. And then it hit me – we paid for this experience. We paid to be stressed, confused, and borderline claustrophobic. If I wanted that, I'd just spend the day with my in-laws.
Dating is like an escape room for your emotions. You're constantly trying to figure out the other person, deciphering texts like they're encoded messages from the CIA. And let's not even talk about first dates – it's like entering a social maze blindfolded.
I went on a date recently, and the guy starts telling me his life story within the first five minutes. I'm sitting there thinking, "Am I on a date or in a therapy session?" So, I pull out my phone, pretend to get an emergency call, and make my escape. I call it "The Emergency Exit Strategy." Works like a charm.
But you know what's worse? Ghosting. It's the grand finale of the dating escape room. One day you're planning your future together, and the next, they vanish into thin air. I feel like I need a detective agency just to track down my own love life. If only there was a real escape room where you could solve the mystery of why someone stopped texting you back.
You ever try to leave a grocery store without buying anything? It's like attempting a heist in a place filled with security cameras and old ladies giving you the stink eye. I call it "The Great Grocery Store Getaway."
I'm walking through the aisles, grabbing random items, pretending to read labels, and occasionally glancing at my phone like I'm getting an urgent call from the president. I can feel the judgmental stares from the cashier as I approach the exit, empty-handed.
But here's the thing – they make it so challenging! The layout is like a maze designed to trap you. I'm dodging the samples, avoiding eye contact with the checkout lanes, and trying not to look suspicious. It's a real-life game of "grocery store spy," and I'm the worst secret agent ever. I can see the security guard watching me, probably thinking, "This guy is either a criminal mastermind or just really bad at shopping.
Family reunions are the original escape room. You walk in, and immediately your relatives start bombarding you with questions: "How's your job? Are you seeing anyone? When are you getting married? Do you remember your third cousin twice removed?" It's like a never-ending interrogation.
I've developed escape strategies for family reunions. I call it "The Houdini Technique." When someone starts asking too many questions, I pull a disappearing act. I excuse myself to the bathroom, lock myself in there for a few minutes, and hope they forget what they were asking by the time I come out. It's the perfect crime.
And don't get me started on the family photo session. Trying to escape from a group photo is like trying to leave a cult. They form a human wall around you, chanting, "One of us, one of us." I have to channel my inner ninja to slip away unnoticed.

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