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Why did Drew Carey become a chef? Because he wanted to turn improv into soup!
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Drew Carey tried to join a band, but they said he couldn't handle the 'stand-up' bass.
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I asked Drew Carey for advice on gardening, and he said, 'Make sure to let the plants have their own 'comedy roots'!
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Drew Carey tried to become a magician, but every time he pulled a rabbit out of a hat, it told a joke!
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Why did Drew Carey become a baker? Because he kneaded more dough for his punchlines!
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Why did Drew Carey start a bakery? Because he wanted to roll in the dough of laughter!
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I recently started playing 'The Price Is Right' drinking game. Every time Drew Carey says 'Come on down,' I take a shot. Let's just say, by the end of the show, I'm not the only one stumbling down – apparently, my liver wants to come on down too.
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I was watching 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' the other day, and I thought, 'If only my bank account had Drew Carey's improvisational skills.' Maybe then I could come up with a convincing story about why I can't pay rent this month.
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Drew Carey is the host of 'The Price Is Right,' where contestants guess the cost of household items. I tried the same thing with my grocery shopping, and let me tell you, the cashier was not impressed when I confidently shouted, 'I'll bid $5 for this loaf of bread!'
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I heard Drew Carey is into improv comedy, which is great because my bank account is also an expert at improvising ways to stay empty. It's like my wallet has its own improv troupe, and they're really committed to the bit called 'Broke for Life.'
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Drew Carey is known for his thick glasses. I tried wearing glasses once, hoping it would make me look smarter. Instead, people just assumed I was preparing for the role of 'Drew Carey in a Funhouse Mirror.'
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I love how Drew Carey hosts a show about pricing things correctly, yet I still can't figure out why the printer always runs out of ink right when I need it the most. Maybe it's a conspiracy led by the office supplies to make me lose my sanity.
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Drew Carey and I have something in common - we both know what it's like to lose weight, but unlike him, I didn't get a game show out of it. My life's just a perpetual audition for 'The Waiting for the Elevator Olympics.'
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Drew Carey's success on 'The Price Is Right' reminds me of my dating life. Every time I think I've found the right one, I get that buzzer sound and find out they're way out of my budget. Maybe I should start dating in the bargain bin.
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Drew Carey is from Cleveland, and I respect that. I'm from a small town too. We both know what it's like to be in a place where everyone knows your name, but only because they heard it on the police scanner last night.
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