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Dating in your 30s is like trying to find a non-degenerate needle in a haystack of questionable life choices. "Oh, you own a plant? Marriage material!
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Ever notice how your favorite childhood cartoons seem a lot more degenerate when you watch them as an adult? Suddenly, SpongeBob's pineapple under the sea has a whole different meaning.
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Being an adult is realizing that the highlight of your week is finding a pair of matching socks. If that's the peak, I must be living in the valleys of degeneracy.
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Ever notice that your sleep schedule becomes so degenerate, it's like you're in a constant state of jet lag? "Is it morning or midnight? Who knows? Let's just call it 'regret o'clock.'
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You know you're getting older when your idea of a wild night is staying up past 10 PM. The degenerate lifestyle of a night owl has been replaced by the sensible slippers of a couch potato.
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The older I get, the more I realize that my social life is as degenerate as my Wi-Fi signal. "Oh, you want to hang out? Let me check if I have a connection to my calendar. Spoiler alert: it's on airplane mode.
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You ever notice how the word "degenerate" sounds like something you'd find in the fine print of a snack label? "Warning: May contain traces of degenerate ingredients. Consume irresponsibly.
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Grocery shopping as an adult is a delicate balance between buying nutritious food and succumbing to the allure of the degenerate snack aisle. "Yes, I'll take the family-sized bag of regrets, please.
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I recently discovered that my phone auto-corrects "adulting" to "degenerating." Well played, smartphone, well played. It knows me too well.
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