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The other day, I was talking to my friend about technology, and he goes, "You should upgrade your phone, it's so dee." I didn't realize my phone had a degree in philosophy. I just want it to make calls and not die during a crucial text.
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You ever notice how people in horror movies always investigate strange noises? Like, if I hear a mysterious sound, I'm not going towards it. I'm closing the door and turning on Netflix, because my life is not a dee-ctective thriller.
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I tried to impress my date by cooking dinner. She took a bite and said, "This is dee-licious." I thought she was complimenting me, but then she added, "Dee-finitely needs more salt." Apparently, my cooking skills are as subtle as a bad pun.
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You ever notice how "dee" is the sound people make when they're thinking? Like, you ask them a question, and instead of a thoughtful pause, it's just "dee." Are they thinking or rebooting?
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I tried meditation, you know, to connect with my inner self. The guide said, "Focus on the dee." So there I am, trying to find enlightenment, and all I hear is my stomach growling. Apparently, my inner self is hungry.
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I was at a job interview, and they asked, "What's your biggest weakness?" I said, "I'm too honest." They looked at me and went, "Dee?" I guess they weren't expecting the truth. Note to self: honesty might not be the best policy in job interviews.
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Do you ever hear someone say, "I'm on a diet," and you're like, "Dee-t?" Because I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. Dee-t is just a fancy way of saying, "I'm hungry, but with conditions.
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You know, when someone says, "I'll call you," and they don't, we've all been there. It's like they entered the Witness Protection Program, and the code name is "Operation Dee-sappear.
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I was at a cafe the other day, and the barista asked me how I wanted my coffee. I said, "Just regular, please." And she looked at me and went, "Dee?" I didn't know coffee orders had a secret language. I just want coffee, not a password to a caffeine club.
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