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Let me tell you about Dee's dating life. Dee's the kind of person who goes on a first date and immediately starts planning the wedding. They'll be like, "So, our kids can have names that start with 'D,' right?" Slow down, Dee! We haven't even ordered dessert yet! Dee's also got this habit of ghosting people but then showing up like nothing happened. I asked them about it, and they said, "I just needed some 'me' time." Dee, you can't ghost someone for two weeks and call it a spa retreat!
They've even started rating their dates based on how well the person's name fits into their alphabetical life plan. I heard them say, "Well, David was a 9, but Daniel is a solid 10." I can't wait for Dee to meet someone whose name starts with an 'X' and see the existential crisis unfold.
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We all know someone who's a terrible driver, and for me, that's Dee. They've turned driving into a high-stakes adventure. Every ride feels like a scene from an action movie. I get in the car with Dee, and suddenly, we're in "The Fast and the Furious: Alphabet Drift." Dee's got this unique system for navigation. Instead of using GPS, they rely on road signs with names starting with 'D.' We missed an exit once because Dee was convinced the sign said, "Delicious Diner Ahead." Spoiler alert: it didn't.
I asked Dee about their driving philosophy, and they said, "I just go where the 'D' takes me." Well, last time I checked, 'D' doesn't stand for 'Detour into Oncoming Traffic,' but what do I know?
And don't even get me started on Dee's parking skills. It's like they're playing a real-life game of Tetris, but with cars. I'm just waiting for the day they proudly declare, "I found the perfect spot—it's shaped like a 'D'!
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Dee's also got this bizarre fascination with DIY projects. Last weekend, they decided to build a bookshelf from scratch. I walked into their place, and it looked like a tornado hit a lumberyard. I said, "Dee, what happened here?" They replied, "It's modern art; I call it 'The Chaos of Creation.'" But it's not just the mess; Dee's projects have this uncanny ability to fall apart. They tried making a homemade birdhouse, and within a week, it collapsed like a house of cards. I asked them if they used the right glue, and they said, "Glue? I thought birds were supposed to hold it together!"
Dee's latest endeavor is a self-assembled piece of furniture. I asked how it's going, and they said, "Well, it's a bookshelf now, but I think it's meant to be a coffee table." You know it's bad when even the furniture is having an identity crisis.
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You know, I've got this friend, Dee. Dee's always on some kind of crazy diet. Last week, they were all about the keto diet. You know, cutting carbs, saying goodbye to bread like it stole their lunch money. I asked Dee, "How's the keto life treating you?" And they said, "Well, I dreamt about donuts last night, so not great." But here's the thing, now Dee's onto this new diet where they only eat foods that begin with the letter "D." I'm talking about a diet exclusively consisting of donuts, Doritos, and Diet Coke. I said, "Dee, that's not a diet; that's a cry for help!"
Dee's so committed to it that they even eat their pizza with extra pepperoni and declare it a "double-D" pizza. I told them they're gonna end up looking like a doughnut if they keep this up. But hey, at least they're committed to the alphabet, right?
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