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I was walking down the street the other day, and I saw a crime scene with the yellow tape and everything. I thought, "Wow, they really need to up their game on neighborhood watch meetings. I never got the memo about the 'Hide and Seek Championship.'
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Have you ever tried to look casual when passing by a crime scene? It's like, "Oh, officer, I'm not suspicious; I just always stroll through alleys wearing my 'I Love Crime Scenes' T-shirt. It's a fashion statement!
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You ever notice how crime scene investigators on TV always find a dead body in the most random places? Like, do criminals have a checklist? "Bank, check. Abandoned warehouse, check. Oh, let's spice it up - a yoga studio, double check!
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Fun fact – crime scene investigators have a 100% success rate in finding dead bodies. I can't even find my car keys half the time. Maybe they should hire them to locate my missing socks.
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I was watching a crime documentary, and they said, "The body was found in a quiet neighborhood." Well, there goes my dream of living in a quiet neighborhood. I'll stick to the noisy ones – at least you know where you stand.
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You ever notice how detectives in movies always find the most crucial clue right before the commercial break? I can't even find the TV remote in that time, let alone solve a murder mystery.
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The other day, I accidentally stumbled upon a crime scene while on a jog. I thought about joining the investigation, but then I remembered I struggle to solve puzzles with fewer than 100 pieces.
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I've come to the conclusion that my cat is training to be a crime scene investigator. Every time I drop something on the floor, he paws at it like, "Let me examine this potential crime scene for you, human.
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You know you're an adult when your bedtime routine includes checking under the bed for monsters and inside the closet for...well, let's just say, it's not monsters anymore.
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