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Joke Types
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Why did the deacon join a music band? He wanted to play the 'holy' drums!
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Why did the deacon bring a ladder to church? He wanted to take his preaching to a higher level!
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How does a deacon start a letter? 'Dear Congregation, I hope this pun finds you well!
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Why did the deacon bring a pencil to the sermon? In case he needed to 'draw' some inspiration!
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How does a deacon answer the phone? 'Good morning, this is a 'divine' line!
Deacon's Sermon App
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Our deacon is so tech-savvy; he's thinking of launching a sermon app. You can confess your sins, get a virtual blessing, and even earn heavenly rewards. I can already see the pop-up ads: Upgrade to the Premium Plan for a fast track to salvation!
The Holy Grill
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The deacon organized a church barbecue, and I asked if we could have pork ribs. He said, No, it's against our beliefs. I thought, What about the commandment that says, 'Thou shall not deny thyself the joy of smoky goodness'?
Holy Water Workout
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The deacon insists on blessing everything with holy water, from the pews to the potluck casseroles. I accidentally spilled some on my shoes, and now I have the holiest sneakers in town. Nike should consider a Just Bless It campaign.
Deacon's Heavenly GPS
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The deacon claims he has a direct line to God. I asked him for divine guidance on choosing a lottery ticket. Turns out, even divine intervention couldn't help me pick the right numbers. I guess heaven has a strict 'no gambling tips' policy.
Deacon Detective
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Our deacon fancies himself as the church detective. He once caught me snoozing during the sermon and gave me a stern look. I wanted to tell him, I was just praying with my eyes closed, Deacon Sherlock.
Deacon Dilemmas
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You ever notice how every church has that one deacon who thinks he's the holiest person on the planet? I mean, he walks around with a halo, but I swear it's just the reflection off his bald head.
Deacon's Sermon Playlist
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Our deacon believes in keeping things traditional. Last week, he handed out a list of approved songs for the choir. No Hallelujah Hip-Hop or Gospel Jazz. I guess Thou Shall Groove didn't make the cut.
Confessions Gone Wild
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The deacon recently introduced a suggestion box for confessions. Because apparently, the big man upstairs is now taking anonymous feedback. I'm just waiting for the day I find a Yelp review of my sins posted on the church bulletin board.
Holy Fashion Police
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I went to church last Sunday, and the deacon gave me a disapproving look. I was like, What's the problem? He said, Your outfit is a sin. I didn't know my T-shirt and jeans were against the Ten Commandments. I must have missed the memo from Moses on casual Fridays.
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