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Deacons have this unique talent for appearing at the exact moment you accidentally nod off during a sermon. It's like they have a built-in ecclesiastical radar for drowsiness.
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I asked a deacon if he ever gets tired of all the responsibilities. He looked at me and said, "It's a tough job, but somebody's got to keep the holy water from turning into regular water." Touché, deacon, touché.
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Deacons are the only people who can make carrying a collection plate look like a sacred dance move. I tried it once; people thought I was auditioning for a gospel-themed interpretive dance troupe.
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Have you ever tried to have a deep conversation with a deacon during the church picnic? It's impossible. They're too busy strategically placing the napkins and making sure the potato salad doesn't cause a denominational divide.
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You ever notice how deacons have mastered the art of the subtle cough? It's like their way of saying, "Wrap it up, pastor, the potluck is waiting, and Sister Jenkins makes a mean casserole.
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Deacons are the unsung heroes of fixing squeaky church pews. I asked one how he does it so quietly, and he said, "It's all in the wrist, my friend. All in the wrist.
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Deacons are like the traffic directors of the church parking lot. They wave you in with a smile, but you know they've seen your questionable parallel parking skills.
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Deacons are like the referees of the church world. They're always making those subtle hand gestures, like they're signaling an illegal pew occupancy or a liturgical foul.
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I think deacons secretly have a sixth sense for uncomfortable situations. The moment you accidentally let out a loud sneeze during a moment of silence, they're the first ones to shoot you that judgment-free "bless you" look.
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