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You ever get those messages that just say, "Hey"? What am I supposed to do with that? Start a riveting conversation about the profound mysteries of life based on your one-word prompt? "Hey" doesn't spark romance; it sparks confusion.
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Let's talk about the algorithms. They claim to find your perfect match based on compatibility, but sometimes I think they're just playing a game of "Guess That Random Common Interest." "Congratulations, you both like the color blue. It's a match made in Pantone heaven!
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Why do we always post our best photos on dating profiles? It's like we're trying to lure someone into a relationship with the most attractive version of ourselves. Newsflash: I don't wake up with perfect lighting and a professional photographer every morning.
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Group photos are the ultimate dating website puzzle. Is this your profile, or are you playing a modern-day Where's Waldo? I spend more time analyzing who you might be than deciding if I want to date you.
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People love to say they're looking for a partner in crime on these websites. Really? Because my idea of a crime is finishing a whole pizza by myself, and I'm not sure that's the level of mischief they're aiming for.
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You ever notice how on dating websites, people list their hobbies like they're applying for a job? "Enjoys long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, and proficient in Netflix binge-watching." Are we finding a date or recruiting a personal assistant?
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I love how everyone on these dating sites is an "adventurous eater." Really? Because I ordered sushi once, and now I think I'm a culinary daredevil. I feel like I deserve a badge that says, "Survived the Spicy Tuna Roll.
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People on dating websites use emojis like they're building hieroglyphic love stories. I received a message with ten heart emojis in a row once. I didn't know if I was being confessed to or recruited for a secret heart-themed cult.
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Finally, the "swipe culture." It's like window shopping for relationships. Swipe left, swipe right – it's all fun and games until you accidentally super-like someone, and then you're stuck explaining why you're more eager than a kid in a candy store.
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