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I recently had a deep conversation with custard. I looked it in the eye – or, well, in the bowl – and said, "Custard, we need to talk. You're always there for us, but we don't appreciate you enough. You're like the reliable friend who never asks for anything in return." And custard just sat there, silent and custardy. I think it appreciated the acknowledgment. It's like the unsung hero finally getting its moment in the spotlight. So, here's to custard – the silent champion of desserts, the mediator of flavors, and the mysterious agent of sweetness. May we never underestimate the power of custard again.
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Have you ever tried making custard from scratch? It's like attempting to perform open-heart surgery on a soufflé. The recipe is like, "Whisk the eggs, temper the yolks, fold gently, and pray to the dessert gods that it doesn't turn into sweet scrambled eggs." And the worst part is waiting for it to set. You put it in the fridge, and it's like custard is on its own time. It's not ready when you want it to be ready; it's ready when it damn well feels like it. It's like custard has a secret agenda, and we're just here waiting for it to reveal itself.
And the custard crimes extend to the dessert world. You ever order a dessert, and it comes with a side of custard? It's like, "Oh great, now I have to solve the case of the missing flavor." Custard is the undercover agent of the dessert world – sneaking into pies and tarts, leaving no trace of its presence until it's too late.
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You ever notice how custard is like the unsung hero of desserts? I mean, seriously, it's like the Clark Kent of sweets. It's always there, but nobody's really paying attention until it saves the day. But let me tell you, custard has a dark side. It's that tricky consistency that's like, "Am I eating a dessert or did I accidentally dip my spoon into wallpaper paste?" And don't get me started on the name. Custardy. It sounds like a word a toddler would make up. "What's for dessert, mommy?" "Oh, we're having custardy!" It's like they couldn't decide between "custard" and "pudding," so they just threw them together and hoped for the best.
I went to a fancy restaurant the other day, and they had this "artisanal custard" on the menu. Artisanal custard? What does that even mean? Is there a custard craftsman in the back churning it by hand, carefully sculpting each spoonful like a Michelangelo of dessert? I just want my custard to taste good, not like it went to a fancy art school.
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Custard is the Switzerland of desserts – it tries to stay neutral, but it always ends up in the middle of a flavor war. It's like the mediator between chocolate and vanilla, trying to keep the peace, but secretly wondering why it can't just be the star of the show. And then there's the battle of the crusts. Pie crusts and custard are like the Capulets and Montagues of the dessert world. They just can't get along. You take a bite of custard pie, and it's like chewing on the front lines of a pastry war. The crust is crumbling, the custard is oozing – it's a dessert disaster.
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