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Who else has a TV remote that's possessed by the spirit of mischief? I swear, mine's haunted. I'll be sitting on the couch, and suddenly, the channels start changing by themselves. I tried to watch a serious documentary the other day, and the remote decided it was time for a marathon of kids' cartoons. I'm sitting there, trying to learn about the economic impact of industrialization, and suddenly, I'm knee-deep in a plot about talking animals trying to save their magical forest.
And don't even get me started on the volume control. It's like the remote has a vendetta against my eardrums. I'll be watching a suspenseful scene, and suddenly, BAM! The volume skyrockets, and I'm practically thrown off the couch.
I'm thinking of getting an exorcist for my remote control. Or maybe just a universal remote that's a little less "possessed toddler" and a bit more "obedient butler.
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I downloaded this weather app because, you know, I like to stay informed. But I'm convinced it's cursed too. It's like it has a personal vendetta against me. I checked the forecast the other day, and it said there's a 30% chance of rain. So, being responsible, I grab my umbrella. But guess what? Not a drop of rain the whole day! I looked like a mobile weather station walking around with that thing.
And then, when I don't bring the umbrella, it pours like there's no tomorrow. I'm convinced the weather app is in cahoots with the rain gods, just messing with my life.
I'm starting to think I need a new weather app—one that doesn't have a grudge against me. Maybe something like, "Accu-honest Weather." You know, a weather app that tells it like it is. "Hey, there's a 50% chance of rain, but honestly, who knows? Grab an umbrella just in case, or don't. Live dangerously!
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Is it just me, or does anyone else feel like their food delivery is cursed? I ordered dinner the other night, and the estimated delivery time was 30 minutes. Great, right? I'm starving. An hour later, still no sign of my food. I check the app, and it says the delivery guy is "just around the corner." Really? Is the corner on Mars? Did he take a detour through Narnia?
Finally, the doorbell rings, and I'm thinking, "Food's here!" But no, it's my neighbor returning a package that was accidentally delivered to their place. Thanks, cursed food delivery, for making me wait an extra hour for my neighbor's Amazon Prime goodies.
And you know what's worse? The delivery guy forgot my sauce. Now I've got dry, sauceless wings, and I feel betrayed. I'm starting to think I should have just gone out to hunt and gather my own dinner.
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You ever feel like technology is out to get you? I recently got this new smartphone, and I swear it's cursed. I mean, every time I try to use it, it's like it's possessed by some mischievous digital demon. The other day, I'm just scrolling through my apps, minding my own business, and suddenly it decides to autocorrect my message to my boss. I meant to say, "I'll be there in five minutes," and it changed it to, "I'll be there in five llamas." LLAMAS! Now my boss probably thinks I've got a petting zoo on my way to the office.
And don't get me started on predictive text. I was trying to type "Let's grab dinner," and it suggested "Let's grab a divorce." I mean, calm down, phone! I just wanted some sushi, not a legal battle.
I'm convinced my phone is trying to sabotage my life. Next thing you know, it's going to start posting embarrassing selfies on my Instagram. I'll wake up one day, and there I am, asleep with a slice of pizza on my face, trending worldwide. Thanks, cursed smartphone. Thanks a lot.
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