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I bought a self-help book the other day, thinking it would change my life. Turns out, it was just a bookshelf filler. Now I have a shelf full of 'crippled' dreams and motivational quotes.
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I went to the gym the other day, and they had this new workout machine that claimed to be a full-body workout. I tried it, and now I feel like my body's playing a game of Twister without my permission. I guess my exercise routine is a bit 'crippled.
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Have you noticed how escalators can make you question your entire existence? You step on, and suddenly it feels like you're auditioning for a part in a Broadway musical – a musical where everyone is a bit 'crippled' trying to maintain balance.
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Ever notice how when you're running late, every traffic light turns into a Olympic sprinting challenge? My friends say I run like I have a limp. I tell them, "Nah, that's just my 'I'm late and need to get my life together' walk.
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You ever notice how cereal boxes have those little games on the back? I bought a box the other day, and the game was spot the difference. I'm looking at it like, "Is it the missing limb on the cereal box character? Oh wait, that's just my breakfast being a little crippled.
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You ever look at your Wi-Fi signal on your phone and see that one bar that just refuses to join the party? It's like the Wi-Fi equivalent of that one friend who always has an excuse not to hang out. My connection is a bit 'crippled' in the social department.
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I was at the supermarket, and I noticed they have a special lane for customers with disabilities. That's fantastic, but now I'm wondering, do they also have a lane for people with crippling indecisiveness? Because I could use that.
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I recently tried my hand at gardening. My plants are looking at me like, "You call this nurturing? We're practically 'crippled' by your lack of green thumb." Who knew even plants could be disappointed in your gardening skills?
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Have you ever tried to assemble furniture from one of those big Swedish stores? It's like a puzzle designed by someone with a vendetta against humanity. I ended up with a bookshelf that looks like it had a rough day – it's practically crippled.
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I was watching a nature documentary, and they were showcasing animals with unique characteristics. They showed this crab that had one tiny claw. I thought, "Well, I guess even in the animal kingdom, they have their own version of being a little 'crippled.' I feel you, Mr. Crab.
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