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I miss the days when my biggest daily decision was choosing between shampoo and conditioner. Now it's more like, "Do I risk going to the grocery store, or attempt to survive on a diet of canned soup and stale crackers?
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COVID has turned us all into amateur epidemiologists. I never thought I'd be discussing virus transmission rates at the dinner table. Grandma used to pass down cookie recipes; now we exchange mask effectiveness tips.
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Remember when "Zoom" was just a cool superhero sound effect? Now it's how we conduct business meetings and family reunions. I miss the days when my only awkward encounter was getting caught talking to myself in the elevator.
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You know you've been in lockdown too long when you start naming your houseplants. "Meet Steve, the succulent. He's my only friend, and we have deep conversations about the meaning of life every morning.
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You know you're living in the COVID era when you've become a hand sanitizer connoisseur. Forget wine tasting, I'm over here sniffing my hands like, "Mmm, yes, this one has notes of aloe with a hint of lavender.
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Dating during COVID is like playing a game of social-distancing Twister. "Left foot six feet apart, right hand sanitizing, and if you touch your face, you're out!
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You know you've mastered the art of social distancing when you can give a virtual high-five without knocking over your webcam. It's all about that hand-eye coordination, or should I say, hand-webcam coordination.
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Remember the good old days when "quarantine" was just a fancy word for avoiding your in-laws? Now it's like, "Sorry, can't make it to your wedding, gotta flatten the curve.
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Grocery shopping has become the highlight of my week. Not because I love buying groceries, but because it's the only time I get to wear something other than pajamas. Watch out, world, I've got a mask and a fresh pair of jeans – I'm practically a superhero!
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