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You know those fortune cookies you get at Chinese restaurants that are supposed to give you some profound insight into your future? Well, Costello decided to start his own fortune cookie business. I opened one the other day, and it said, "Your path to success is paved with spaghetti." I mean, I appreciate a good carb, but what does that even mean? Am I supposed to follow a trail of linguini to find my pot of gold?
Costello's fortune cookies are like the wisdom of Yoda, if Yoda had a sense of humor and a penchant for pasta. I'm just waiting for the day I get a fortune that says, "Beware of falling baguettes. Your destiny depends on it."
In Costello's world, even fortune cookies are in on the joke, and the joke is always on us.
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Costello is like a walking, talking dictionary, except the definitions are all mixed up. I asked him the other day, "Costello, what's the definition of 'clarity'?" And he says, "Oh, you know, it's like a foggy day in London."
I'm like, "No, Costello, that's literally the opposite of clarity. That's like the definition of confusion!"
He's got his own language, a Costelloan dialect where up is down, left is right, and 'yes' means 'maybe if you squint and tilt your head.' I've started carrying a translation guide just to have a conversation with the guy.
I'm convinced that Costello's dream job is to be the person who writes the fine print at the bottom of contracts. You think you're getting a great deal, and then Costello slips in a clause that makes it sound like you're agreeing to trade your firstborn for a lifetime supply of toothpaste.
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Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever noticed how confusing conversations can get, especially when you're talking about something as simple as names? I mean, take my friend Costello, for example. Every time we have a conversation, it's like a comedy of errors. I called him the other day, and the conversation went something like this:
Me: "Hey, Costello, who's on first?"
Costello: "What?"
Me: "No, I'm asking you! Who's on first?"
Costello: "Exactly!"
Me: "No, not 'exactly.' Who is on first base?"
Costello: "What's on second!"
Me: "Wait, are we playing baseball or 20 questions?"
It's like trying to unravel a mystery with this guy. I've started keeping a flowchart just to keep up with his responses. It's like Costello is the riddle master, and every conversation is a pop quiz I never signed up for. It's all fun and games until someone confuses 'who' with 'what,' and suddenly, we're in a linguistic Bermuda Triangle.
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You know, Costello is so skilled at creating confusion; he could give a masterclass on it. I asked him once, "Costello, how do you manage to leave people scratching their heads after every conversation?" And he says, "Well, you see, it's all about the art of misdirection."
Misdirection? Is this a magic show or a casual chat? I feel like I need a map and a compass just to navigate through his sentences. It's like trying to follow a GPS that's convinced you're driving through a wormhole instead of down the street.
I swear, if Costello ever becomes a detective, he'd be the only one who could solve crimes by making everyone believe the butler did it, even if there's no butler in the story. He's like a linguistic Houdini, escaping from the constraints of clear communication.
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