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I think there should be a support group for people who've been scarred by corduroy pillows. Picture this: a circle of individuals sitting in a dimly lit room, sipping chamomile tea, and sharing their traumatic experiences. "Hi, my name is Dave, and I once fell asleep on a corduroy pillow. It's been three years, and I still have nightmares about it." We could call it "CPA" – Corduroy Pillow Anonymous. Imagine the stories we'd hear. "I woke up one morning, and my face looked like a topographical map." We'd bond over our shared pain and maybe even start a petition to ban corduroy pillows altogether. Together, we could change the world, one pillow at a time.
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I went pillow shopping the other day, and the salesperson was trying to convince me to get a corduroy pillow. I'm like, "Are you serious? Do I look like I enjoy exfoliating my face every night?" And they're like, "But sir, it's stylish and unique." Stylish? I don't need my bedroom looking like a '70s disco party. I want a pillow, not a fashion statement. I imagine inviting someone over and being like, "Hey, check out my corduroy pillow. It's the pinnacle of comfort and sophistication." Meanwhile, my guest is wondering if they accidentally stumbled into a retro-themed Airbnb. I'd rather stick with a regular pillow and save the corduroy for my pants, thank you very much.
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You know you're an adult when you start caring about your pillows. I was at a friend's house, and they had the nerve to offer me a corduroy pillow. I'm like, "Is this a prank? Did I unknowingly sign up for 'Pillow Punk'd'?" I had to decline politely, though. I didn't want to offend them, but inside, I was thinking, "I don't care if you have a PhD in pillowology, corduroy has no place in the bedroom." It's like, we've got so many advancements in technology, and yet we're still dealing with corduroy pillows. Where's the justice? I demand a pillow revolution! No more cords, no more ridges, just pure, unadulterated fluffiness. Who's with me?
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You ever heard of a corduroy pillow? Yeah, it's like sleeping on a waffle iron. I mean, who thought that was a good idea? "Let's take the fabric with more friction than a cat on a balloon and put it where people rest their heads." I tried using one once, and I woke up with my face looking like a waffle. I didn't know if I should butter it or put syrup on it! And don't even think about flipping the pillow to the cool side. With corduroy, there is no cool side. It's just slightly less hot than the surface of the sun. I felt like I was in a battle with my pillow every night, like, "Alright, corduroy, you may have won the first round, but tonight, I'm flipping you over!
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