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They say laughter is the best medicine. Well, after a few years of marriage, coitus becomes the best medicine for insomnia. Forget counting sheep; let's count the questionable decisions that led us to this point.
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Why do they call it "making love"? I feel like I'm not constructing anything; I'm just trying not to knock over the bedside lamp while fumbling for the light switch. It's more like "making sure not to break anything.
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Let's talk about mood lighting. Romantic, right? Until you realize it's just a clever disguise for avoiding eye contact and pretending you're with someone else. "Is that Ryan Gosling or just a really weird-shaped shadow?
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You know you're adulting when scheduling coitus becomes as essential as a dentist appointment. "Hey, can we pencil in some romance between picking up the dry cleaning and renewing our car insurance? Thanks.
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You know you're an adult when your definition of a wild night is staying up past 10 PM. Unless, of course, you're talking about coitus, then it's a whole different definition of "wild night.
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The real miracle of coitus is not the act itself but the ability to silently navigate a pitch-dark room without stepping on a Lego. It's a skill that should be listed on resumes.
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Let's talk about those romantic movies that make coitus seem like a perfectly choreographed dance. In reality, it's more like trying to assemble IKEA furniture in the dark - confusing, frustrating, and you might end up with extra parts.
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Coitus during a heatwave is like trying to be intimate in a sauna. It's all fun and games until someone sticks to the sheets. "Honey, can you pass me the spatula? I think I'm stuck.
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They say communication is key in relationships. Well, in the bedroom, it's more like Morse code with a foghorn. "Was that two short taps and a long one, or did you just stub your toe on the nightstand?
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