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You know you're with Carlo when the GPS says, "Turn left," and he looks at you and asks, "Are you sure?" Buddy, the GPS is sure. It's been sure since we left my house. Even Siri is rolling her virtual eyes.
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Carlo and technology are like a cat and water – not a good mix. He still has a flip phone. I asked him why, and he said it's for nostalgic reasons. Nostalgic for when you had to press a button three times to get the letter "C.
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You ever notice how Carlo takes longer to reply to a text than it takes for a snail to cross the road? I sent him a message last week, and I think he just responded. I had to check if it was a reply or an ancient hieroglyphic translation.
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Carlo thinks a car's check engine light is just a suggestion. I got in, and it looked like a disco in there – every light on the dashboard was having a party. I asked him if he knew what was wrong, and he said, "Probably just a loose wire." Yeah, the wire connecting your car to reality.
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You ever ride shotgun with Carlo? It's like being in a live-action Choose Your Own Adventure book. "Turn left for an exciting shortcut, turn right for an unexpected detour into chaos." I asked him where we were going, and he said, "Life's a journey, man." I just wanted to get to the grocery store.
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Carlo's car is like a time machine, but not in a cool, "Back to the Future" way. More like a "Time to Reconsider Your Transportation Choices" way. I got in, and the cassette player started playing hits from the '90s. I felt like I should be sporting frosted tips and a mood ring.
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You know your friend is too attached to their car when they give it a name. Carlo named his car Bessie. I thought that was sweet until I found out Bessie stands for "Brakes Every Single Summer, Incessantly Engine-troubled." Clever, Carlo, real clever.
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Carlo and parallel parking are like oil and water – they just don't mix. He tries to parallel park, and it's like watching a ballet dancer who's had a bit too much to drink. Cars honking, people yelling – it's his own urban performance art.
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You ever get in Carlo's car, and it feels like you're in the middle of a jigsaw puzzle? There are pieces missing, and you're not quite sure how it all fits together. I asked him if it's safe, and he said, "Well, we've made it this far." Famous last words, Carlo, famous last words.
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