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Why did Captain Kirk go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw his phasers!
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Why did Captain Kirk bring a ladder to the Starship Enterprise? To boldly go where no man has gone before... the top shelf!
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Why did Captain Kirk bring a suit to space? He wanted to have a stellar appearance!
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Why did Captain Kirk open a bakery on the Enterprise? He wanted to make dough in space!
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Why did Captain Kirk refuse to play hide and seek on the Enterprise? He always gets Spock-ted!
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Why did Captain Kirk wear red shirts on casual Fridays? To boldly relax where no one had relaxed before!
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Why did Captain Kirk bring a pet to the spaceship? He wanted a captain's log!
Captain Kirk's Morning Routine
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Ever wonder how Captain Kirk starts his day? I bet he wakes up, looks in the mirror, and says, Today's mission: explore strange new worlds, seek out new life, and find a decent cup of coffee. If only my mornings were as epic as his space adventures.
Captain Kirk's Technological Preferences
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You know Captain Kirk is from the future when he refers to flip phones as advanced communication devices. I tried using one recently, and people stared at me like I was trying to communicate using a fossil. Beam me up to the 21st century, Scotty!
Captain Kirk's Romantic Advice
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Captain Kirk is known for his romantic escapades across the galaxy. I asked him for advice once, and he said, Romance is like a warp drive; engage at full speed, and hope you don't hit a black hole. Needless to say, my love life is now stuck in a gravitational pull of awkwardness.
Captain Kirk's Boldly Go-to Pickup Line
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You know, Captain Kirk from Star Trek? The guy's so smooth, he must be using Boldly Go as his pickup line. I tried it the other day, and now I'm banned from three different planets. Turns out, not everyone appreciates a man boldly going where no man has gone before.
Captain Kirk's Fashion Sense
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Captain Kirk's fashion sense is out of this world, literally. I mean, who else could pull off a gold command uniform with those funky black boots? If I tried that, people would think I'm auditioning for a disco-themed sci-fi movie.
Captain Kirk's Intergalactic Shatner-isms
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Have you ever noticed Captain Kirk's unique way of speaking? It's like he's allergic to finishing sentences. I tried it in a job interview, and let's just say my potential employer was more confused than a Klingon at a poetry reading.
Captain Kirk's Secret to Commanding a Spaceship
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I was wondering how Captain Kirk manages to command a spaceship so effectively. Then I realized, every time there's a problem, he just looks intensely at the camera and says, Set phasers to solve. If only life had a phaser-setting for adulting problems.
Captain Kirk's Autocorrect Nightmares
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I heard Captain Kirk has trouble with autocorrect on his space phone. Imagine sending a message like, Beam me up, Scotty, and autocorrect changes it to, Bean me up, Soy-ty. No wonder there are vegetarian Klingons in the universe now.
Captain Kirk's Interstellar Social Media
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I found Captain Kirk on an interstellar social media platform. His status updates are always like, Just conquered another alien species. #CaptainGoals. Meanwhile, my status is more like, Just conquered the last slice of pizza. #PizzaGoals.
Captain Kirk's Hair—A Galaxy of Its Own
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Have you seen Captain Kirk's hair? I'm convinced it's its own separate galaxy. It's so voluminous; I'm pretty sure he hides snacks in there for those long space missions. I wouldn't be surprised if they find the lost socks from my laundry in that hair of his.
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